tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-45950014874252421592024-03-05T21:38:19.695-05:00Two in TransitionTwo in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.comBlogger53125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-79342404565489893712016-06-15T06:00:00.000-04:002018-11-26T22:17:47.840-05:00All the Comforts of Home<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Daughter Dearest opened her refrigerator to make herself some breakfast this week, only to discover a pan of chicken feet lying in wait on the bottom shelf. For someone with OCD and Aspergers, you can just imagine how that went. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjbQi-ayFaKfsNq6rJESXRCgz2qBj2WezqbivrBpF5UXMNzcppQqHo05Fz6C7_-d_W37qHssAijHO0naKUFkyjbaFjVrarTI6706gm2havv0vyFvL4WOQ-a7-21ZHFrJT-3jDOy0ympks/s1600/For_Rent_Pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjbQi-ayFaKfsNq6rJESXRCgz2qBj2WezqbivrBpF5UXMNzcppQqHo05Fz6C7_-d_W37qHssAijHO0naKUFkyjbaFjVrarTI6706gm2havv0vyFvL4WOQ-a7-21ZHFrJT-3jDOy0ympks/s320/For_Rent_Pic.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Actually, it went surprisingly well. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">As a new resident of one of the rapidly multiplying student apartment complexes in our area, DD is encountering more than just chicken feet. This summer she's exploring semi-independent living as a sublettee in a furnished 2-bedroom apartment. For a few months, we're (DD and parents too) testing the living-away-from-home waters. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Housing for young adults on the spectrum is, not at all surprisingly, an increasingly hot topic among families. While the number of adults on the spectrum who need safe, comfortable housing grows, t</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">he residential housing options are slim to none in many communities. Parents are cobbling together their own shared living arrangements or are scrambling to figure out how to find suitable housing and individualized supports for their sons and daughters so they can avoid group homes or larger institutional arrangements that would simply be torture to our children. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Sure, they can continue to live at home. For awhile. DD would actually prefer that. We're the ones that gently nudged her out the door last month. FF, on the other hand, would like to get out of here as soon as we can make it happen. Unfortunately, that's apt to be later than sooner in his case. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But there's always that nasty, niggling question in the mind of every parent of a child with special needs: What happens when we're no longer here to wash the laundry, make dinner, ensure the meds are taken, insist on an occasional shower, buy the size 16 shoes, drive them to class, schedule the tutors, listen to the heard-it-a-hundred-times-before discussion of what movies could earn Oscars, and pay the mortgage? (That's the longer version of "What happens when I die?")</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It comes down to:</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">people in their lives willing to guide, encourage, and be there (whether paid or unpaid),</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">a residential model that fits, and</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">money.</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">For DD, who drives and is more independent, it's more about the model and the money. The supports will be important too, but, at the ripe old age of 25, one of the things DD increasingly recognizes is that she NEEDS certain types of supports. For FF, who doesn't think he needs anything or anyone, we'll need to carefully consider and construct a model that works for him and that incorporates both direct and behind-the-scenes supports so that he can function as independently as possible. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Ironically, it seems the higher functioning you are, the more money becomes an issue. Son FF will likely need to receive Medicaid, which could help with the paid long-term supports, and Supplemental Security Income (SSI), which may help with housing. And an ABLE account will be a must. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">DD, however, is high functioning enough to hold a job and she may not need benefits for housing. So what WILL she be able to afford on her own? That's the scary part. Also, she transitions to the Affordable Care Act next year, so we'll see how that goes for health care. Paid supports? Not sure how that will work either. And an ABLE account won't help if she's not on benefits. For now, we're footing the bill for the Summer Housing Experiment of 2016.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So far, we're just focusing on boosting her independent living skills. Writing the rent check on time (we gave her the funds to put in her account). Grocery shopping. Cooking (eew!). Keeping the bathroom clean. Getting herself up and out the door in the mornings. Knowing who to call (and making the call!) when the closet door comes off its hinges. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I highly recommend joint meetings with a therapist to plan big transitions like these. The gentle nudging started there. DD is much more amenable to suggestions from her trusted therapist than she is from her parents. We talked about how it could work, the type of living situation we would look for, a part-time job search, summer classes, and how long the arrangement would last. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">After looking at apartment options all over town, DD responded to a college classified ad on her own, for discounted rent in a 2-bedroom apartment that would be vacant May 1. She and the sublettor met once and worked out the agreement. (Good for her!) The rental office took over from there. Since she's a sublettee, the complex would not clean the apartment, so we took on that job. BUT, since the complex rents the units by the room and not by the apartment (college rentals are big business--and a semi-shady one at that!), they have the right to place a roommate in the other empty room. That was a surprise. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Move-in was gradual. We cleaned (yuck!) and loaded in some of her things. Then we left town for a 10-day vacation (more about that in a later post) and returned to move in the rest of her things only to find a woman cooking in the kitchen. Surprise! The apartment complex placed a roommate in the second room without notifying either one of them. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Though her roommate seems nice enough, we were hoping DD could just chill out and acclimate to her new place. Not so much. She's doing okay, but I suspect her anxieties cause her to be on guard much of the time. I don't think she's able to completely relax. And I think she stays in her room when the roommate is there. The upside, I guess, is that it may force her to learn how to get along with another person in a shared space. (Separate bathrooms are a very good thing!)</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The new apartment is just minutes from our house, so there's a lot of going back and forth, which we're okay with. Sometimes she just needs a break, and it's okay with me if she's coming here for dinner a few times a week. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The part-time job? Working on it. So to speak. DD's submitted a couple of resumes, but it's slow going and she's becoming discouraged. She only wants a part-time job so WorkOne isn't an option. She doesn't receive financial aid (I wish!), so campus work study jobs are not available to her. But things are looking up. Tomorrow she has a phone interview with a big box retailer. (<b><a href="http://twointransition.blogspot.com/2014/06/the-phone-interview.html">FF's phone interview with that same big box retailer</a> </b>was a learning experience for him!)</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">As you might have guessed, DD's new roommate is an international student, thus the poultry delicacies. And unlike DD, she knows her way around a kitchen. But that means lots of unfamiliar odors (a sensory issue) for DD, and cupboards that are stuffed with unusual wares. Very little room for DD's peanut butter and bread. Who knows? Maybe DD will learn Szechuan cooking during her short stay this summer.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The housing experiment ends August 1. Then what? I don't know. (What!? You thought I had all the answers?) Monthly rent in a college housing market is expensive. She'll move back here, and we'll reassess. But I'd like to figure out a longer term solution soon. If not, maybe we'll need to initiate the Summer Housing Experiment of 2017 next year. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Want to learn more about available housing options in your area or want to explore innovative residential support ideas in other states? I really like <a href="http://www.autismnj.org/document.doc?id=1794"><b>"The Journey to Community Housing with Supports: A Road Map for Individuals and Their Families in New Jersey,"</b></a> recently published by the Supported Housing Association of New Jersey. And check out the <a href="http://www.autismhousingnetwork.org/"><b>Autism Housing Network</b></a>, a website and project of the Madison House Autism Foundation.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-91147257743621992012016-04-15T10:52:00.001-04:002016-04-15T10:52:44.502-04:00Playing by the Rules: Self-Advocacy in College for Students on the Spectrum<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You would think we would know how to play Adventures in Community College Land by now. Maybe not.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG1gPCvEzyPrdKSBOv-WAnHwgHSrWjplg22dknIZb4LSEmWpY-5BPxjn8cnlcEFsV4qQY560ZQeRCEzT_v9AB8HzGmpSHATOO11y9ODAatrMgn6nOt-FSy0uMUvk0r-qbD2ggg1oF3nGA/s1600/game+board.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG1gPCvEzyPrdKSBOv-WAnHwgHSrWjplg22dknIZb4LSEmWpY-5BPxjn8cnlcEFsV4qQY560ZQeRCEzT_v9AB8HzGmpSHATOO11y9ODAatrMgn6nOt-FSy0uMUvk0r-qbD2ggg1oF3nGA/s320/game+board.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It's a tricky one, this game--a live action role-playing, Dungeons and Dragonish venture, seemingly without any rules. All the players--ever changing--are improvising. I feel for them (a little). They've had too little experience with a family like ours, with students like ours. But, one in 68, people! That means a fair number of those are going to end up on your doorsteps, Community Colleges! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But, as much as I may empathize with their issues, I feel worse for my children. In the four years FF, now 22, has been at our local community college, there have been four different directors of disability services. That's a problem. We're fortunate in that the current director DOES understand the rules and has stepped up to the plate for FF. Several times. I wish she didn't need to do so. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Case in point. This semester FF is taking two classes, an English class with fairly extensive (for him) reading and writing requirements. Six novels, two papers, weekly discussion posts, two oral presentations, essay exams, and attendance at out-of-class events. He's also taking a safety course, a more job-based course that's a pre-requisite for taking any other of the college's courses involving this particular career. It's an information-based two-credit course requiring two short research papers, in-class quizzes, and several multiple choice tests. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Guess which one is giving him conniptions? Yep, that what-should-have-been-easy-for-him, two-credit safety class. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I've told you all before about his severe dysgraphia, a condition characterized by extremely poor fine motor skills and processing that impacts his writing. It's taken us years to help the game players understand what this means and to negotiate appropriate accommodations (<u>not</u> modifications) for him: extra time on tests, which are taken in the testing center; use of a calculator for math; and the use of Dragon dictation for papers and written essays tests. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The first test in the safety course was 150 questions long and was adminstered, per usual, in the testing center where FF used a Scantron answer sheet. These aren't new to him. I think what was new was just the sheer length of the test. The instructor contacted me (he knows that FF has signed a <b><a href="http://www2.ed.gov/policy/gen/guid/fpco/ferpa/index.html">FRPA release</a></b>, and we've encouraged him to let us know if there are problems) about the fact that FF's test could not be scanned because his marks weren't contained in the itty bitty bubbles. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX5oXn2WfGxxAJgEtJVrkq3xTnFx1ownO0S5qOteqUXWsZ84HjRDx1KBYBHw9SzSqm0dyjq6HqeBpB0b5x1jqAeVROnM-W0Dpz36VY8unLZyCRX59ZZOWd-mbfggjzicq2arhecRsX-9M/s1600/Scantron+answer+sheet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX5oXn2WfGxxAJgEtJVrkq3xTnFx1ownO0S5qOteqUXWsZ84HjRDx1KBYBHw9SzSqm0dyjq6HqeBpB0b5x1jqAeVROnM-W0Dpz36VY8unLZyCRX59ZZOWd-mbfggjzicq2arhecRsX-9M/s320/Scantron+answer+sheet.jpg" width="180" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Disability services director steps in. New accommodation needed. From now on, FF will circle his answers directly on the test itself and will not use the Scantron form. FF signs off on the the accommodation form, gives copy to instructor who also signs off. Armed with a bulleted list, FF then proceeds to testing center the following week <i>(in person, mind you, because students needing accommodations can not make online reservations to take tests--although everyone else can. This involves yet another trip out to campus in the Mom Taxi) </i>to set up an appointment to take the remaining five tests for the two-credit safety class. Testing center administrator informs FF (I'm waiting in the wings--this is his deal) that he will need a seat registration and will need to pay an additional $37 per test. I hear him say "What's a seat registration?" Five seconds later I get called in to help with another negotiation. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Surely, that can't be right. Students with disabilities who need a non-Scantron testing accommodation will need to pay for that?? Yep. Once again the director of disability services steps back in and we all troop back up to the testing center to negotiate another arrangement. She works it out: FF will now circle the answers on the testing sheet; the director of disability services will transfer his answers to a Scantron form; the testing center administrator will proofread the transfer marks and will then submit the Scantron answer sheet. He will not need to pay for an additional "seat registration," whatever that is. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But chutes and ladders continues. This week I get another email from the instructor. The next test is an association certification. We knew this. The association, however, has decided it cannot accept a Scantron accommodation of this type. Really?? He says they're working it out, but "they're in control" on this one. I say great; we'll wait to see what they say. But that's not what I'm thinking. You don't want to know what I'm thinking. I point out--very nicely so far--that there are indeed rules for this game. Then I quote chapter and verse from the <b><a href="http://www.ada.gov/regs2014/testing_accommodations.html">U.S. Department of Justice's website on the American with Disabilities Act dealing with accommodations in testing</a></b>. The part under the heading "What Are Testing Accommodations?" that lists as an acceptable accommodation: </span><br />
<ul style="line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 1.5em;" type="disc">
<li style="margin-bottom: 2em; margin-top: 1.5em;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Scribes to transfer answers to Scantron bubble sheets or record dictated notes and essays;</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Whaddaya know? There ARE rules to this game!<br /><br />Meanwhile, the very nice director of disability services contacts me to say that they're awaiting a decision from the association, but that even if the accommodation is disallowed, the office of disability student services will pay for a seat registration. The point is, however, THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">And there's a point two (of course there is). It's the self-advocacy issue. I don't want this to scare off those parents of high school students on the spectrum who, like FF, want to participate in postsecondary education. I just want them to be prepared for the negotiations, continued involvement, and attitude jousting they may need to be engaged in throughout their own Adventures in Community College Land. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There are people who will tell you that if a student doesn't have the self-advocacy skills, they shouldn't be attending college. I think they're wrong. And I think it gives short shrift to those students who may have many strengths and talents even though self-advocacy may not be among them. We don't need to be sending these kids back to square one just as they're beginning to take their turn in the game.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I've read all the recommendations, lists, and charts that will tell you that postsecondary students need to be able to self advocate. I agree: that would be ideal. But it's not the reality for many of our 18-year-old higher (highish?) functioning high school graduates. Lack of appropriate self-advocacy skills can be, in fact, a part<i> </i>of their disability. This is, after all, a <i>developmental </i>disability, and that's one of the skills yet-to-be-developed in our young adults. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Community colleges can be extremely helpful for students like FF. Moreover, higher functioning ASD students often fall in that dreaded gap (in some cases a chasm). They may be leaving school with a general diploma but not a higher level diploma (Hoosier parents, for more on the current rules of the Diploma Game, check out <b><a href="http://www.iidc.indiana.edu/styles/iidc/defiles/INSTRC/Diploma%20Decision%20Guide.pdf">Indiana Diploma Decisions</a></b>.) That means these students are not eligible for a university program, but <i>because </i>of that general diploma, they're also not eligible for most existing community transition programs. Community college may be their only opportunity for continued contact with same-age peers, for academic enrichment, and for job skills development that just might get them a job with more than four hours a week earning $7.25 an hour, or worse, subminimum wage in a sheltered workshop where they truly do not belong. And community colleges can give our students a few more years to learn those all-important advocacy skills. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But it only works if community colleges understand and can apply principles of universal design in their classrrooms. If they abide by ADA law. If they work to welcome and include students with disabilities. If they do the research and learn how other postsecondary programs around the country are providing supports to their students. If they train and guide their instructors in the importance and use of those supports (meaning it's not optional, dangnabit!) And if they begin working with state VR programs and local disability service providers to help students with career development, short-term work exposure, internships, and part-time jobs. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If we, as parents, as elected officials, as administrators, as a society, really expect these young adults of ours to leave a community college program with more than just a piece of paper, more than just a ticket back to Mom and Dad's couch and an all-day video game/YouTube watching/internet searching day, we need to go to back to college and play by the rules. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">[Update: The association sent an email via secure mail (requiring FF to create a new account and a new password) notifying him that he will be "allowed" to use his accommodations, but that if the forms are not sent in appropriately by the testing proctor, he will need to retake the test at his or the proctor's expense.]</span>Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-39608686149764562732016-03-01T15:15:00.000-05:002016-03-01T15:19:28.618-05:00Telemarketers in Transition<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I confess. I screen the telemarketers. Given that son FF's phone skills are less than sparkling, and his tolerance for people asking him questions is low, at best, I stop the always-at-dinnner telemarketers in their tracks. Either I don't answer at all, or I gleefully stay on the line--silently--as they repeatedly, almost desperately ask, "Hello?...Hello?...Hellooo?" until, baffled, they give up and go away.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I suppose I should let FF answer when they ask for him by name. After all, dealing with telemarketers is an independent life skill. It might not be on the top of the Transition Checklist,* but it's a life skill, nonetheless.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeCvAnx5vgCAFe-_oTn70pOz0s8FrR7YAMegOD-gXpt9sPxQT8LV5BdI8yi4ncSZqHe5v4xqEBP06c32mMHiMsOi3IAOblbaYyrrZxv7jbrjHrA9VhkzWnBhC03PubjMPQTUKw_MU8OVs/s1600/sss+snip.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="171" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeCvAnx5vgCAFe-_oTn70pOz0s8FrR7YAMegOD-gXpt9sPxQT8LV5BdI8yi4ncSZqHe5v4xqEBP06c32mMHiMsOi3IAOblbaYyrrZxv7jbrjHrA9VhkzWnBhC03PubjMPQTUKw_MU8OVs/s320/sss+snip.PNG" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Tonight, though, I answered just as I saw the "U.S. Marine Corp" i.d. flash across the screen. Blast, I thought in that split second. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Me: Hello?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Mr. Recruiter: Hi. May I speak to FF please?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Me: May I tell him who's calling?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Mr. Recruiter: I'm from the U.S. Marine Corp and I just have a couple of questions for him.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Me: Okay. FF has autism. Do you still want to talk to him?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Mr. Recruiter: Uh...uh...sure.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Good answer, Mr. Recruiter! Way to be inclusive and non-discriminatory. But then, I cut him off.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Me: [laughing] Good for you, but actually, FF is headed out the door right now for a class. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Mr. Recruiter: Okay, well, thanks anyway.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">When FF turned 18, we did the right thing and filled out and submitted his selective service paperwork (that IS one of the items on the Transition Checklist*). As a result, recruiters know his name and his age. They may also know that he is a college student and that he's unemployed. I don't really know how much Big Brother is watching and how much background knowledge they have on prosprective recruits. They don't know his diagnosis, though--and shouldn't.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">On reflection, Mr. Recruiter handled that phone call pretty well. Me? Not so much. A) I should have let FF answer. B) I should <u>not</u> have disclosed his disability. But cut me some slack; it was a telemarketer call, and we were headed out the door and in a hurry. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I checked in with FF, though, a few minutes later and asked him what he would've said if he had answered the call. "Not interested," he said. He gets better marks for his answer than I do for mine. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Transition is all about learning new skills. Next time I'll be better. I promise. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The good news is FF got a call about a job! Just not the job for him. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">###</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">*If your male student between the ages of 18 and 25 still needs to register, find out more information or register online on the</span> <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.sss.gov/"><b>Selective Service website</b></a>. Transition checklists can vary from state to state and may change as your child/student's post-school goals change. Google "transition toolkit" or "transition checklist for students with disabilities" for more info or to create your own. Here's an earlier post on our experiences with part of <a href="http://twointransition.blogspot.com/2012/11/the-transition-checklist-for-change.html"><b>our checklist.</b></a></span>Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-30253686217130138412015-08-28T07:45:00.001-04:002015-08-28T12:18:23.728-04:00Different Worlds<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-weight: normal;">Both of my children perch precariously on the higher functioning end of the autism spectrum (often, of course, not-so-higher-functioning). And that's as close as they may ever get, because in reality they occupy completely different worlds.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">On the way home from work this evening, I call the abode just to see if there's anything they need me to stop and get before dinner. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Me: Hi FF. How are things? </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">FF: Hi Mom. When's DD coming home?</span><br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs521sV51xmv8C-KclBBKrZkh0FcJ_MEs_sWjYyDvp88dTC1MWsI9r93BqmMstyzrJyQz6-5H5_o1Fdkk1p_it4hcrE7VpPD9ss9J-45nqixXxuyl6qhpVVaEgPmljNJJTOmHQOl6UKBI/s1600/apple_and_orange.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="apple and orange" border="0" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs521sV51xmv8C-KclBBKrZkh0FcJ_MEs_sWjYyDvp88dTC1MWsI9r93BqmMstyzrJyQz6-5H5_o1Fdkk1p_it4hcrE7VpPD9ss9J-45nqixXxuyl6qhpVVaEgPmljNJJTOmHQOl6UKBI/s320/apple_and_orange.jpg" title="" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Me: Um, I don't know. Isn't she there with you? Have you seen her at all today? </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">FF: Uh, I don't think so. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Me: You don't think so, but you don't know?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">FF: I don't remember seeing her. Maybe she came down earlier. I don't know. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Sigh. This isn't unusual. Some days the first time they interact with one another is when I call them both down for dinner. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">They occupy such different worlds it amazes me that they have the same parents, grew up in the same house, lived in the same town, and ate the same foods. Their dissimilarities, in fact, are why I was so surprised when DD was also diagnosed on the spectrum. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">FF is all about sports. DD can't tolerate them. DD is a voracious fantasy reader. IF son o'mine opens a book, it's more likely an action suspense novel. FF is into food, likes cooking shows and restaurants, makes his own simple concoctions in the kitchen. If I'm not there to make food for her, DD assembles the same peanut butter sandwich she's been eating for 23 years. Or she orders pizza online and has it delivered. DD loathes the cold. FF prefers it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">FF is in many ways more social. If he could, he would spend most of his time hanging out with other guys, talking trash, the latest film releases, and trading crude humor references. He can't, of course, because he doesn't have any friends other than those we pay weekly. But that's beside the point. If he had the opportunity, the money, the transportation, and the bros, he'd be there.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">DD has more chances to be more social and in some ways may be more socially capable (or maybe "acceptable" is a better word there). She drives a car and can actually get herself to places where there are people. But that happens rarely. In the past six months she went out four times--to dinner with a friend twice, lunch once, and to a dance once (yeah, I about fell over when that happened!). And that was a tremendous improvement for her. She spends the majority of her time in her room, alone. She has a Facebook account she hasn't been on in years. She lurks on mine, so she can read the funny or geeky posts. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">DD wants a science career that pays modestly, comes with good benefits, helps her save the planet, and allows her to immerse herself in a world of acceptable nerdiness. FF wants a job that pays a million dollars and lets him live in his own house, and go to movies whenever he wants. Other than that he really hasn't roughed in the career details. He just knows he does not want a job that "matches his interests," something I mentioned awhile back, <a href="http://twointransition.blogspot.com/2014/06/career-choice-with-twist-ducking-usual.html">here</a>. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Are there similarities? I'm literally sitting here having to think about that one. Neither likes talking on the phone. Both take terrible notes when answering the phone. Both have brown eyes. It's a short list. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Remarkably, they do now talk to one another at the dinner table occasionally, usually about a movie they've both seen or chapters of the Percy & the Olympians books, which they've both read. For the most part, we've graduated from the door-slamming, can't-stand-you, how-are-you-my-sibling? years. For the most part. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I think they now appreciate one another's interests and understand their differing challenges and how it affects moods and level of function in varying circumstances. I think they love one another in their own ways. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But will they support one another when we're no longer around? I honestly don't know. And by "support" I mean both emotionally and with life's have-to-dos. Will she talk him through the tough times and disappointments? Will he help shovel her driveway in the winter? WIll they laugh with one another, remembering Mom's annual battle with the ants or Dad's outlandish dreams of a trek to the Hudson Bay? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It's one of my biggest Mom Worries for the future. </span><br />
<br />Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-68292581062245208992015-01-20T09:00:00.000-05:002015-01-20T09:00:07.406-05:00Have You Talked with Your Parents About When They Die?<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Last semester FF was dutifully (not a word I often apply to him) doing his homework for his Intro to Sociology course at the local community college. And this question came up. Yes, that one up there in the title. Oh boy. </span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK6G_6NNysgL5exZrVDMs181H0D7AdmrldYkHkSjgCXwWodxxazIz9nQ-v5vozZ5VYZOAHSQwzmx7QLpIwGUHJEPFYnEtVZgPMb3xP-McXYB2Q_wL8kbl5UZHgSDeT5JYbNaI5QYRwx3o/s1600/alarm+clock.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK6G_6NNysgL5exZrVDMs181H0D7AdmrldYkHkSjgCXwWodxxazIz9nQ-v5vozZ5VYZOAHSQwzmx7QLpIwGUHJEPFYnEtVZgPMb3xP-McXYB2Q_wL8kbl5UZHgSDeT5JYbNaI5QYRwx3o/s1600/alarm+clock.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sociology was an interesting but sometimes challenging course for him. In addition to examining the sociological perspectives on how we humans interact, oppress, manipulate, nurture, and mate with one another, for an assignment he had to observe a crowd of people and then break a social norm. (He walked around Kroger wearing a clown nose.) And, of course, write a 4-page paper about it. As you can imagine, it was just a thrill ride for a young person with autism whose only goal in life is to fit in. The final paper was a scintillating 6-page introspective look at a day-in-the-life-of FF. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A little side step here: Probably the very worst type of writing assignment you can give to my not-so-little non-writer is one that requires him to write about himself. There was many a time in elementary, middle, and high school when a well-intentioned teacher caught an earful</span> <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">of insolent, bellicose protest for handing FF the "Keep a Daily Journal" directive. I would imagine that to him it's like asking goldfish to not only jump out of his bowl but also to flip flop under the warm caresses of a blow drier set on high for a half hour or so. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And yet he's making some progress. "The brain is a muscle," so says a meme that pops up now and then on the internet. I really do believe that the more he stretches and pokes and prods into the areas that are incredibly difficult for him, the more capable he becomes. He completes online modules independently. He checks his assignments and grades regularly. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Doesn't mean it's always easy. Doesn't mean he no longer experiences bumps in the road. He does. He still doesn't understand why it's important to be polite or tactful. He will tell you he's ready to live in an apartment, but he doesn't do laundry, clean anything, recharge his phone, or get himself from point A to point B.</span> <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He can't articulate a life goal yet. He needs to be reminded to take his medicine (although he refills his med strips by himself)</span>. <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He has no friends. He does not communicate with anyone via phone or email other than his parents. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is FF's version of high-functioning autism. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That brings us to the Sociology 101 questions: "Have you ever discussed the issue of aging (your parents' aging) with your parents? Have you made decisions, together, on what do do in the future?"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Little does that Soc instructor know that these are the issues that pester and poke at every parent of a child with a developmental disability. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">His answer was, essentially, <i>a little bit. They (the parental units) talk with each other a lot about it, but not as much with me.</i> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">True. He knows that we plan for his future and for that of his sister. He knows that we have limited guardianship for him, though I really don't think he understands the full extent of what that means. We've told him that we have set up a special needs trust for him and though we haven't explained all the details, we've tried to let him know that we're saving for his future. He was thrilled when the ABLE Act passed, because he understands that it means he can now receive benefits (he's not on SSI or Medicaid) but still save money for himself. He won't need to promise to be poor for the rest of his life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That's all good as far as it goes. But here's the problem: We haven't talked about or really dealt with the "what if" possibilities with FF or Daughter Dearest. Those range from the very drastic and most terrifying: We're both killed in some catastrophic accident next week, and the two of them are left to figure out life on their own. Who do they call first? What should they do? Could they stay here in our home with supports? Where would they find those supports? Should they move to another state to be closer to family? How would that work? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then there are the aging, getting sicker variations: One parent has increasing health challenges and the other dies of something unexpected. Or, both parents are failing fast--my husband has an existing heart problem; my family has a history of both heart disease and Alzheimers--and FF and DD need additional supports. Who do they call to advocate on their behalf if we're no longer able to do that for them? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">During our short conversation about the Sociology assignment, FF told me they'd watched a video in class about aging in America. Then he bluntly laid it on me that he would not be the person to care for me if I needed help or had to go into a nursing home. Uh, yep, I knew that. I really need to live to 120 with the vim and vigor of a 50-some-year-old and then say goodnight. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That professor opened a can of worms with her question. Or rather, the can was already slightly open; she just cranked up the lid. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We've already done the basic architecture--financial planning, guardianship and the special needs trust--we just need to put more detail into the blueprint. That will mean encouraging and even pushing them to practice independent living skills. It will mean painful discussions with them and with far away family. And it will mean contingency instructions for DD and FF. We're nearing retirement age. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The clock is ticking. Aaaaargh!</span><br />
<br />Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-82352177814098339892015-01-04T09:00:00.000-05:002015-01-04T09:00:03.066-05:00Talking the Talk<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">I've spent the holidays subjected to FF and my husband as they second guess the refs, coach from the couch, and discuss which quarterback has what stats and why. It's bowl season. The ridiculous number of corporate-sponsored, beyond boring, gridiron grind-ups around the country? So not my thing. But listening </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">(from the relative safety of another room)</span> to FF and the hubs do their thing, I have to say, I'm so impressed with FF's game insights and background knowledge.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6Fyg1w9le9e1mBhxwyYnPj_fj-ML1rwuB4EJ07S_H57wIbTHTv4Dll40i3gcfu3SXl6RvZXjR1dRo_PXQkPInNOV-OWfacovUUvIh66SgEhvEnMirIf-Sanys6rWHk-w5Ii7Y6p_BScA/s1600/Backyard_Football_-_1999_-_Humongous_Entertainment.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6Fyg1w9le9e1mBhxwyYnPj_fj-ML1rwuB4EJ07S_H57wIbTHTv4Dll40i3gcfu3SXl6RvZXjR1dRo_PXQkPInNOV-OWfacovUUvIh66SgEhvEnMirIf-Sanys6rWHk-w5Ii7Y6p_BScA/s1600/Backyard_Football_-_1999_-_Humongous_Entertainment.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The Husband: "Team Whatever is just getting slammed out there." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">FF: "Yeah, but that's because they lost Quarterback Quizzical when he broke his collarbone last year. Plus, they haven't had solid coaching for years, so they can't build up a team. No one stays very long because they can't stand the athletic administrator."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Where does he get this stuff!??</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">For once, I know the answer to that question. Sort of. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Way back when, there were a couple of disastrous attempts to get FF involved in team sports. I'll spare you the painful details. If you're the parent of a child with autism, you probably already know. At the time, FF lacked the social skills and the coordination. For soccer he lacked the interest. For baseball he lacked the ability, and inclusion was not the name of the game for the coach or FF's fellow players. I remember holding a very frustrated, angry, crying little boy in the car after the third and final embarrassing baseball practice. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Many local parks and rec departments will now work to include kids with autism or other developmental disabilities in sports or other activities. (Call them and ask!) At the time, though, our parks and rec department wasn't one of them. The thought was that kids like FF should be in Special Olympics. Not what FF had in mind. To him, Special Olympics meant exclusion not inclusion. Yes, it would've given him an opportunity to participate in something, but it wasn't what the kids in his general ed classes were doing. Why couldn't he do what they were doing? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">To be fair, Special Olympics is a wonderful organization and they've come a long way. In some communities, they now have more inclusive sports activities, wherein kids with disabilities can participate in games with their peers. At the time, though, we were stuck. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The solution? We went digital. In the third grade (overall, just a horrible year), we got FF the PC game Backyard Football, an animated game featuring toon versions of real-life football players that the operator could choose for various teams. With the color commentary of an incredibly corny announcer (complete with really bad puns that I'm sure FF didn't get until much later) the teams battled it out on the field. It taught him the lingo, the various positions, and the rules of the game. Backyard Football, was quickly followed by Backyard Hockey, Backyard Soccer (still not very interested), Backyard Basketball, and Backyard Baseball. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">And no, I am not paid to promote any of the Backyard Sports collection and am in no way connected with Humongous Entertainment or Tommo (I think they bought HE). If you have a little one who might be interested, I think they now make versions for various devices. Or if they're not making new ones, you may be able to purchase used games.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">The good news is that armed with his newfound sports knowledge, FF could talk (at least a little bit) to other kids in his classes about local and national sports. The bad news is that didn't satisfy him. Once he understood the game, especially football, he wanted to play with his peers. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">It took a long time, but eventually we solved that too by having him workout with the football team his freshman year of high school. They got to know him and his quirky sense of humor and they had his back in the hallways. He got to know them and the coach. Pretty quickly he realized that he was more comfortable watching the game from up in the stands. I think it's because on the field, he couldn't get the same perspective. The coach, a wonderful guy, would have let FF at least stand with the rest of the team on the sidelines, but FF always declined. (Just as well; that concussion thing scares the heck out of me.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">Today, FF, now 20, likes researching teams and players online, in magazines, and in the local papers. He's graduated to Madden football on the Wii. He looks forward every year to picking the winners of the bowl games and setting up his March Madness brackets. He gets his exercise at the gym (we've talked about that a little bit <b><a href="http://twointransition.blogspot.com/2013/08/my-shrinking-boy-challenges-of.html">here</a></b>) not on the field. And he loves talking the talk. I wish he could do some active exercise (not necessarily competitive) with a small group of friends, but that's tough to arrange. Non-gym activity, groups, and "friends"--all tough. I'm still hopeful, though. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">About a month ago, we were waiting in line at Starbucks, and FF was telling me about movies coming out soon. Suddenly, he looked over my head and behind the counter, where one of the Starbucks employees was saying, "Hey, FF, how's it going?" FF smiled broadly and said, "Great, how're you doing?" The employee disappeared into the back and I looked at FF who said, "Oh, that's Duane. He was a lineman on the high school football team. Good guy." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">As much as they made an impact on him, I think FF made an impact on a number of those players as well. So outside, I smile at FF and say, nonchalantly, "Oh, okay. Great." Inside, I'm melting.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;">On those days when I'm being treated to a barrage of factoids about the Team du Jour, I silently curse Backyard Football, but I try to remind myself that talking the talk is very, very important. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<br />
Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-10484422497551696452014-12-24T12:17:00.000-05:002014-12-24T12:28:20.887-05:00Some Passions Never Die, But I Really Wish This One Would<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/>
<w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
<w:Word11KerningPairs/>
<w:CachedColBalance/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0in;
mso-para-margin-right:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0in;
line-height:115%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: #CCCCCC; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-outline-level: 3;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: #CCCCCC; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-outline-level: 3;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: #CCCCCC; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When I kick the bucket, I'll know instantly that I've gone to the
wrong place if I hear the non-lilting falsetto strains of Pikachu assaulting me
as I cross the threshold. I can't tell you how much I loathe that little yellow
guy and his boy-controller, Ash. Not a Pokemon fan. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: #CCCCCC; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjujt6x_Q_XtQ7y9cm7LHKYmvlZrtku1C4w_vuBoKRl5lqQb4cVXN-9Sqi3tK4H72pkwru9tyqd-phYqoww_6Lg5D9nyNMgGrNhGvu5Qr7xokAsAvbFooKEmO4TjdtxM3RYHDGbYcMudSk/s1600/Pokemon+games+ds.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjujt6x_Q_XtQ7y9cm7LHKYmvlZrtku1C4w_vuBoKRl5lqQb4cVXN-9Sqi3tK4H72pkwru9tyqd-phYqoww_6Lg5D9nyNMgGrNhGvu5Qr7xokAsAvbFooKEmO4TjdtxM3RYHDGbYcMudSk/s1600/Pokemon+games+ds.jpg" height="239" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: #CCCCCC; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS",sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
Pikachu, Charizard and all their annoying anime friends have been with son
Fickle Fan (and therefore with me) now for over 12 years. It started innocently
enough with the television show. I'm not sure how he discovered it, but it
quickly became an obsession. Pre-Game Boy, when he was six years old, he
actually flew into a desperate rage one afternoon in speech therapy because
speech occurred at the same time his beloved Pokemon were battling on TV. We
were not allowed to tape it. Watching it at 7 p.m. was just not the same as
watching at 4 p.m. How clueless could we be?? </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
Fortunately, we came to our senses and eventually gave in and got him a Game
Boy and earplugs. That introduced him to the world of Pokemon Red, Pokemon
Blue, Pokemon Gold, Pokemon Silver...and the rest of Pikachu's palette.
And initially it meant new crises, when FF would be "stuck" on
a level, unable to progress or win battles. (And speaking of battles, have you
been treated to the exciting background "music" and sound effects of
a Pokemon-to-Pokemon death match? Please. That composer needs to roast in
Pokemon hell with me!) At one point I actually went online to an all experts
site with my "How do I advance from Level 5?" question. Some
wonderful guy actually answered and patiently explained how to go back and
collect whatever gizmo FF needed to be able to defeat whatever opponent was
blocking his progress. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Through the years we've learned that having a passion or obsession
for something means carving out space, providing access, or finding solutions
to obstacles. And of course, we've also learned that those same passions can be
wonderful motivators and distractions and can provide hours of calm. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Some adults with autism have even built passions into careers. I
remember a </span><a href="http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2000-06-11/features/0006110390_1_trains-autism-maps"><b><span style="color: #1d1046; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Chicago Tribune article</span></b></a><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">about a man who loved trains and maps. After memorizing the entire
bus and el system and all of its stops and connections, he was hired by the
transit authority to advise people on how best to get from point A to point B.
And I love this video from the Arc of Indiana's</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4mcCdcnBRQ&list=PLuA7_XuwpSe436n-4W_9yfbN3JIuvKIwG&index=1"><b><span style="color: #1d1046; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">"Pathways to
Employment" series on Drew</span></b></a><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">, a young man who never gave up on his
love for animals. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
Sure, there are probably more destructive or more disgusting passions FF
could've chosen to latch onto than Ash's anime army. I think Pokemon probably
provides consistency combined with a "safe," mild challenge and a
sense of self-satisfaction when he wins a battle or gets to a new level. I keep
reminding myself of that whenever I think of the incredible amount of time
wasted on button pushing his DS. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
Unfortunately, I don't think Pikachu is going to turn out to be a pathway to a
lucrative profession. FF has had other passions through the years that showed
career or job-possibility promise--reptiles and dinosaurs, filmmaking, theater,
cooking, sports facts and stats, and everything you've ever wanted to know
about U.S. presidents. But they've all gone by the wayside. His room is full of
stacks of books on the presidents, lighting and camera equipment, theater
programs, and cookbooks. (He finally made dinosaurs extinct.) </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
The passion for Pokemon waned through the years but resurfaced again in high
school. Ugh. Left to his own devices (which is all too often now that he only
has one community college class and work has dwindled to four hours a week), FF
will play Pokemon on his DS or old games on his Game Boy, search for Pokemon
clips on YouTube, watch episodes on TV that he's figured out how to record with
the DVR, or even research new Pokemon in a game guide he got for Christmas.
(Okay, yes, I bought it; as much as I hate the little beasties, I can't deny
him the thing that he loves.) </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
Anyone need a Pokemon expert? Anyone?? </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
"Pikachu, I choose you!" Gag me. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<br />
<br />
Okay, for those of you who just need to be tortured, click on the links: <b>"</b></span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixZFIJbiklo"><b><span style="color: #1d1046; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Ash Meets Pikachu</span></b></a><b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">"</span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> and, oh help
me!, there's a</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMzYJ_zRBFA"><b><span style="color: #1d1046; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">soundtrack</span></b></a><b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">!</span></b><span style="color: black; font-family: "Verdana","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></div>
Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-16264633745490027132014-10-08T10:56:00.000-04:002014-10-08T10:56:28.491-04:00On a Random Tuesday<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">On a random Tuesday</span> <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">while I was at work, I got a phone call from FF. Bam. There's that gut-wrenching feeling. Now what? Parent T in T readers get this. It's the quaking you experience when you see that the school is calling. It's never good news. </span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyGHnIz-snm18pkbAyTi87Pay938Po0T2ecMuV067-kc49AdX2nqaEloy0uUTU37CQmnHM0QJC9Xvjv3AVLd0Ijgip05NKqGhDshRVMW5nsAL1ZVwvGeD8dkbSa4TkdRhcM7sMLxnoW84/s1600/cell+phone+Mom+caption.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyGHnIz-snm18pkbAyTi87Pay938Po0T2ecMuV067-kc49AdX2nqaEloy0uUTU37CQmnHM0QJC9Xvjv3AVLd0Ijgip05NKqGhDshRVMW5nsAL1ZVwvGeD8dkbSa4TkdRhcM7sMLxnoW84/s1600/cell+phone+Mom+caption.jpg" height="320" width="268" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">FF, though, is now 20. The pre-frontal cortex is maturing, doing its thing. He's attending community college classes. And, more importantly, he hasn't had an incident in more than a year and a half. But I know there's always that possibility that something or someone (or he himself) will make him feel belittled and humiliated, that he'll feel boxed in and powerless. So the Mom worries? Still there. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">On this particular random Tuesday, I had dropped him off at his class downtown. On Tuesdays, after class, his peer mentor (PM) picks him up and they go do "guy" things (Buffalo Wild Wings, bowling, video games, walk on campus)</span>. <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The PM and I usually text beforehand, just to verify the pickup. Since this class is downtown and not out at the main campus, you can bet I texted FF after class the first couple of times to be sure pickup went smoothly and they were on their way. But this was 5 weeks into class, so I had faded back and was trusting that all was well. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The call came 30 minutes after class had ended. Uh-oh. But:</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">FF: Mom?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: Yep. Are you okay? Did PM pick you up?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">FF: Oh yeah. I'm fine. I'm just calling to let you know PM and I are going to a movie, so we'll be back later. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Okay? </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: Yes, that's great. Thanks for letting me know. And have a good time. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">FF: Okay bye. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Three waves of relief here. 1) He's more than fine. He's having a good time. 2) He called to let me know he'd be late. 3) I don't have to see that movie!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Several days later, I checked with him about the call. "Did PM have you call me to let me know you'd be late? That was thoughtful." And the about-left-me-on-the-floor response: "No, I just wanted to call because I knew we wouldn't get back until later than we usually do." Communication, consideration for someone else's feelings, executive function skills. The trifecta!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">On that random Tuesday, as I was driving home from work, I realized my son was at a movie, my daughter was staying on campus for something course-related, and I would be headed out to a meeting. Everyone off doing their own thing. I understand that this happens all the time in "normal" families, but it just doesn't happen in ours. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I could get into this normal family thing. On any random Tuesday.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span>Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-46785117714519560092014-06-24T05:30:00.000-04:002014-06-25T20:24:28.344-04:00Career Choice with a Twist: Ducking the Usual Question <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"What do you like to do?" </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Son Fickle Fan gets asked that question probably seven to ten times a year, because if you don't know where you're headed career-wise, that's where every employment specialist, disability service provider, potential employer, teacher, and parent starts. That's square one. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT8ZbKCyVmRLyTvTGZXHjxUCtIK435LuG2liyYkZd2m0zQ_NbedVLCDnoPFOZfx8A_nVpp2X21hCp7PSMC4sjECnZyTiGXiLRjoUf5IeQ3jAtsUZeyhsr-lvz6xjp6To3IswR5Q3OnZZs/s1600/film+reel+2+clip+art.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT8ZbKCyVmRLyTvTGZXHjxUCtIK435LuG2liyYkZd2m0zQ_NbedVLCDnoPFOZfx8A_nVpp2X21hCp7PSMC4sjECnZyTiGXiLRjoUf5IeQ3jAtsUZeyhsr-lvz6xjp6To3IswR5Q3OnZZs/s1600/film+reel+2+clip+art.png" height="320" width="255" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Trouble is, that's not where FF is standing. He's not even playing that game anymore. He doesn't believe he should begin looking at what career he'd like to pursue by ticking off the things he <i>likes </i>to do in his spare time. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He doesn't think the two things are related. Nor should they be, the way he sees it. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because here's the thing: FF is concerned that if he chooses from among the things he likes doing, he will no longer like to do them when he's not on the job. And he doesn't want to face that. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What if he got a job in filmmaking, but after hours editing a project, or working on a set, he didn't feel he could stomach sitting in a theater to watch the umpteenth version of Transformers in its screen debut? Or what if he became a sports analyst for ESPN, only to discover that he couldn't enjoy tallying the stats and making lists and tables of the top characteristics of the winning pro-football teams that season. Or, heaven forbid, that he wouldn't eagerly anticipate the football draft? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It doesn't speak very highly of how he feels about the world of work, does it?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In high school some of FF's early career choices were torpedoed naturally as he began exploring and participating in those interests. Football quarterback? Loved working out with the team, but being on the field? Not so much. Cooking? Top Chef was (and continues to be) a must watch. Loved being in cooking classes. But earning minimum wage, working in high stress, tight spaces, and those late hours? Nope. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And that's okay. There are a lot of twenty-somethings out there who, somewhere along the line, realized that being a rock god or the next playwright to win a Pulitzer might not actually be a reality. That self-discovery is a part of the process. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But for FF it's been more difficult to replace those early career goals with something that might be a little more doable. His only goal now is to complete his required basics toward an associate's degree. Then he wants to obtain a bachelor's at a four-year college somewhere. Why? He can't articulate that. He just knows that's what's expected if you want a good job with a living wage. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So for now, he'll meander through the course catalog at the local community college every semester.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Little resource side note here. There are two relatively new publications out for teens and families on the process of career preparation and development. The first, from the Department of Labor's Office of Disability Employment Policy, is "<a href="http://www.dol.gov/odep/pdf/2014ShellySaves.pdf"><strong>Shelly Saves the Future: A Story of Career Development</strong>."</a> It's a cartoon/infographic about what an Individualized Learning Plan is and how it can guide and help you toward a career goal. The second is <b><span id="goog_680318833"></span>"<a href="http://www.ncwd-youth.info/node/1463">Understanding the New Vision for Career Development: The Role of the Family</a>,"</b> <span id="goog_680318834"></span>an Info Brief from NCWD/Youth. This one clearly describes the process of career development and what steps families can take to ensure their transition-aged adolescent is making progress. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Honestly, though, there's no way FF would have accepted that Role of the Family when he was exploring career goals as a teen. It's still a problem. My mantra throughtout much of his school years: The information and guidance HAS to come from somewhere else, a third party. I don't think we're alone in this. There's a large slice of the ASD population that views any information coming from a parent as highly suspect, worthless, or even toxic. The information in the NCWD/Youth "Understanding the New Vision" guide is still useful; if your family is like ours, though, you may just need to get creative with how some of those tasks get accomplished.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For now, we know FF's going to need to choose a path soon, and he'll need help to do that. Our job will be to talk with the placement and career center folks before he meets with them so they understand his perspective and don't open the coversation with that question. You know--the usual question: "So, what do you like to do?" </span>Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-86405178136729134652014-06-04T10:00:00.000-04:002014-06-04T10:00:00.690-04:00The Phone Interview<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>FF</b>,<b> </b>on the phone in kitchen: "Yes, hello. This is he."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT_7l4hcq3VzO6gjkxmziIM9kunfYTc_opPBXlbxgaCksuz8ndu61TTUCN3GdiD5iw42m8orB15WGja93cFI70lCGyXeOfv7-1c3AuKyuX8yVrg4m8Yf9-zh2tzAn3gStkVFi4ohyY7aA/s1600/phone+interview.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT_7l4hcq3VzO6gjkxmziIM9kunfYTc_opPBXlbxgaCksuz8ndu61TTUCN3GdiD5iw42m8orB15WGja93cFI70lCGyXeOfv7-1c3AuKyuX8yVrg4m8Yf9-zh2tzAn3gStkVFi4ohyY7aA/s1600/phone+interview.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The prearranged morning phone interview with a major big box company gets underway. This is a first. FF usually only talks on the phone with family or people he knows, and then it's brief and to the point. So this should be interesting.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Me</b>, listening to his end of the conversation from my mutually agreed upon spot in the living room ("I don't want any distractions, Mom."): <i>Silence</i>, [thump, da thump, da thump...] <i>heart beating.</i> [Good start.]</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>FF</b>: "Okay...okay. Gotcha. I thought this was a seasonal position, for the summer. Oh, okay. Okay. Gotcha."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Me</b>: [Gotcha??]</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>FF</b>: "I've done mostly processing. Taking things out of people's cars, and then getting them ready to be categorized and put out on the floor. But I'm looking for my first summer job."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Me</b>: [Good answer.]</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>FF</b>: "My strength would be honesty and the weakness is writing. Right. Okay."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Me</b>: [Yes! he answered without hesitating and didn't sound embarrassed about it. So far, so good.]</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>FF</b>: "Um, well. I don't really know. Let me check on that. Just a minute."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Me</b>: [Uh oh.]</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>FF</b>: <i>Coming into the living room with his hand over the phone.</i>"Mom! They want me to give an example of when I've worked in a team situation."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Me</b>: "I think you can tell them you've done that at your Restore position."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>FF</b>: To the interviewer. "I've worked with a team at my volunteer position."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Me</b>: "You can tell them that it's the Habitat Restore."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>FF</b>: "At the Habitat Restore. I've worked with a team of people there."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>FF</b>: "Oh. Just a moment again. <i>Turning back to me.</i> Mom! Now they want to know if I've ever worked on a team goal. Have I?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Me</b>: [So now the interviewer surely knows the status. At this point, I think it would probably be better for FF to tell the interviewer that he has high functioning autism and just explain that he's getting some support during the interview. But FF is not really into full disclosure at this point, so we press on.] "At the Restore you've worked with other volunteers on customer service."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>FF</b>: "At my volunteer position, I've worked on customer service." <i>Holding the phone away from his face, but this time forgetting to cover the receiver,</i> "Have I ever worked to accomplish multiple goals in a short time?" <i>Realizing who he's talking to now, and back to the phone, "</i>Oh, sorry, just a moment again, I need to ask my mom."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Me</b>: [<i>Wracking my brain for something.</i>] Just tell them you can't think of anything right now.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>FF</b>: "I can't really think of anything now."..."Um." <i>To me. </i>"Can I give them an example of when I've exceeded expectations?" </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i><b>
Me</b>: <i>Knowing full well this is lame,</i> "I think you've done that at the Restore and I think you did that in your public speaking class too."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>FF</b>: "I think I've exceeded expectations at Habitat and in one of my previous classes."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">At this point the interviewer asks him if he has any questions. Asking his own question during an interview is something we've prepped him for, but he came up with the question himself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>FF</b>: "What would a typical day be like?" </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Me</b>: [Good job! He sounds interested and engaged.] </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>FF</b>: How many hours a day would I be working?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Me</b>: [That's fair.]</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>FF</b>: "What kind of responsibilities would I have on the job?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Me</b>: [Okay, enough with the questions, already!]</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can tell they're beginning to wrap things up. I grab a pen and piece of paper and write, Don't forget to say "Thank you!" </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>FF</b>: "Okay. And thank you for this phone interview and for the opportunity. Okay, gotcha. Bye!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yes! He's very proud of himself. And I'm proud of him too. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He got through it and for the most part he did pretty well. We certainly need to coach him on the types of questions he was asked for which he needed Mom help. But, all in all, for a first one of these screening interviews, in challenging circumstances (on the phone), he did very well. I'm just glad it wasn't a Skype interview. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm intrigued by the new virtual <a href="http://www.jobinterviewtraining.net/"><b>Job Interview Training</b></a> software developed by SIMmersion Inc., with a grant from the National Institute for Mental Health. FF has played around with the test version, which you can do for free, but I think it would be good if he could practice some more with "Molly." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Will he get called for a face-to-face interview? I wish, but I recognize the reality is probably not. It was pretty evident that he may need on-the-job supports. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If he were working with a disability service provider, his job coach or employment specialist would clue-in human resources about FF's abilities and the right job fit for him. We don't have that support, so my dilemma is: Do I intervene and call human resources to explain the situation, hoping they'll at least give him an interview and may even give him an opportunity? (This is a company that's hired other workers with disabilities.) It's a discussion I need to have with FF. For now, he'll wait a week and then we'll talk about follow-up. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Me</b>: "Whew!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Need a quick list of tips to prepare your transitionee for a phone interview? Try these <a href="http://biginterview.com/blog/2012/06/phone-interview-tips-jobs.html"><b>Top 9 Tips for Crushing Your Next Phone Interview</b></a>. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-42863840422379936432014-04-17T07:00:00.000-04:002014-04-17T07:00:09.305-04:00The Situation: Summer Job No Supports<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The summer job dilemma. With his classes at Ivy Tech ending in mid-May, FF has decided a part-time summer job might be a good thing. We agree. How </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4r5zgA-UXmX6JIfHF6T-fULgsvlerMY-KWnkresGCiyWZGIuksn6NVwejsgVyrOBuFwUtk0YUN2zylhuMFVJ65MC6IdFdDQR8Zt_lQ_z9Y2dwmzm64OP4i5TYFrh-6GgM4IvDhZ3I0yo/s1600/welder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4r5zgA-UXmX6JIfHF6T-fULgsvlerMY-KWnkresGCiyWZGIuksn6NVwejsgVyrOBuFwUtk0YUN2zylhuMFVJ65MC6IdFdDQR8Zt_lQ_z9Y2dwmzm64OP4i5TYFrh-6GgM4IvDhZ3I0yo/s1600/welder.jpg" height="248" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">does he make that happen? I wish there was an e-how video on shoe-horning a young adult with high functioning autism into employment. I checked. There isn't.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Step one</b>. We started small. Ivy Tech's spring student career fair. FF actually got dressed up (shaved without me asking him!), took copies of his resume, and gathered up his courage. Anxiety was leaking out of his pores. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In his case, the anxiety presents itself in the form of venting at me. Rudeness, belligerence, intolerance. I'm not going to sugar coat it; this is tough on me. But I try to recognize it for what it is and give him some slack. Doesn't make it right; doesn't make it appropriate. I would love to have a therapist come along some day and help FF discover a more useful way to channel that anxiety. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I dropped him off at the door after he agreed that it would be okay for me to come in a little later to visit the WorkOne table. He just didn't want me there at the career fair while he was making the tour of the employer exhibits. Moms just don't shadow their children while they're talking to their potential HR managers. He's right: That IS inappropriate. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ten minutes go by, while I park the car. As I'm coming up the walk, FF is exiting, now all smiles. Mission accomplished. He tells me he submitted his resume to four or five local employers and the city parks and rec department. Yea! He's pleased with himself, says he even tried hard to smile and shake hands. I know those employers won't appreciate the ordeal this was for him, but I do. They should hire him on that basis alone. But, okay, I'm his mom. I get it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Step two. </b>I visit with a kindly staffer at the WorkOne table to discuss "The Situation." Twenty-year-old part-time college student with high functioning autism needs summer job. Not on Medicaid so not eligible for waiver supports. Has a postsecondary goal (two classes a semester; no real career path) so no VR support for employment. As we've mentioned herein before, VR cannot support someone who wants to go to college AND have a job. It's considered double dipping. You have to choose. Also, VR supports individuals who are looking for permanent employment, not a part-time summer job. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I want to know if--by some long shot--FF actually lands the summer gig of his dreams, the employer can turn to someone within WorkOne or some other agency to help them include a worker with autism. The answer is essentially "not really." Usually a provider agency fills that role. But FF isn't working with a provider--remember: postsecondary goal, not an official employment goal, so therefore no VR and no provider support. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The kindly WorkOne staffer (boy! he should've ducked under the table when he saw me coming) diagnoses The Situation a little differently. What FF needs, he says, is a job developer who can both help find him a job and serve as a job coach for awhile. Okay, maybe, I reply. But let's review The Situation. No VR supports for employment, no provider supports, no Medicaid waiver supports. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Could I hire a freelance job developer, I ask? Out of pocket? (Financial ow! But what can I do??) Kindly WorkOne staffer appears perplexed but eventually gives me the number of a Person to Call. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Step three.</b> Person to Call listens to The Situation via phone. He completely agrees that FF needs a summer job to increase his confidence and build his experience. This is a perfect time to look for summer employment. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Fabulous. But no, Person to Call works for--wait for it....a local provider agency. He doesn't freelance and doesn't know that a freelance job developer would be allowed. Allowed? I let that one go. Person to Call thinks he may have the solution! WorkOne! They have a summer jobs program for youth. Various local employers use the youth job corp for both office work and outdoor maintenance and groundskeeping services. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Person to Call tries to allay my concerns. FF can probably do this independently, without a job coach. It's very inclusive, he assures me. The supervisors are understanding; the employers would have supports through WorkOne. He thinks this may be just the answer. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Step four. </b>I visit the local WorkOne office. A kindly front desk WorkOne staffer takes me back to a cubicle where I meet a kindly WorkOne staffer. No, they haven't run a summer jobs program for youth in quite few years. And no, they can't really help find jobs for young adults looking for summer jobs. Their mission is to help individuals find permanent employment. (Do I hear an echo?) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As a youth with a barrier to employment (a disability) he might be eligible to attend a workshop though, says kindly WorkOne staffer. Great. What do you do in a workshop? Would he get experience and be paid, I inquire hopefully? Oh no. In a workshop, we help people work on their resumes, cover letters and interviewing skills. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Uh huh, I say. Like the class he has now at Ivy Tech, where he's working on cover letters and resumes and participating in mock interviews? Like the voc ed class he had his senior year of high school? Oh, she says, I guess that's not really something he needs then. Truthfully, I tell her, he does need help practicing interviewing skills and talking on the phone to employers. But not through a workshop. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Kindly WorkOne cubicle worker needs to talk to her boss before he leaves for the day. She thanks me for coming in. I thank her for trying. Kindly WorkOne front desk staffer stops me on the way out and suggests that I try a local autism support group. Maybe they could help. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Buck passed and still making the rounds. </span>Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-51771900147225488052014-02-27T07:00:00.000-05:002014-03-03T08:06:46.637-05:00Transition in the Trenches: Midwinter Mash Up<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Notes. In no particular order, here's a little of what's been happening during January and February in our neck of the woods. These could all be little </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizvjwDKiTmgpDVN9-ADA8P5ixnWK-RtMG86114CMrh0IDdptL7A2yVcMyjnqoMWuJvfKjcNH4IqJ8cXqrxJt-V0QzUFcMtSZhXeynCp3kSvTBVXznwQAtbTeG2Vi7GyxFdzPB5W-9WsGQ/s1600/MP900439284+(1).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizvjwDKiTmgpDVN9-ADA8P5ixnWK-RtMG86114CMrh0IDdptL7A2yVcMyjnqoMWuJvfKjcNH4IqJ8cXqrxJt-V0QzUFcMtSZhXeynCp3kSvTBVXznwQAtbTeG2Vi7GyxFdzPB5W-9WsGQ/s1600/MP900439284+(1).JPG" height="213" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">individual posts, but today you get a mash up. Lucky you!</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Once again, as required, FF made the call tonight to the jury duty hotline. Once again, I breathed a sigh of relief--he doesn't have to go in to the courthouse--yet. He's on duty for the entire month and calls in every night to check his status. I need to remind him to make the call, but he's doing it on his own. Talking on the phone really isn't his thing, but calling a recorded information line is okay. He calls in his own med refills now too, but only because it's automated. No communication with an actual person necessary. Update: He made it through the month and wasn't called in. Whew!</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Polar vortex. In case you hadn't heard.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He's gaining confidence at college. I dropped him off the other day for one of his classes and watched as he walked up to the door, backpack slung over one shoulder, jeans, Colts shirt, no coat despite the not too balmy 24 degree day. Just like every other kid. An hour and a half later, back in the car, chatting away about the instructor, the syllabus, the presentations he'll need to prepare. He's got this handled.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The public speaking class is in the morning. Foolish, foolish me. I'm again scraping a 19-year-old out of bed. Today he got to class with all of a minute to spare, but I pity the person who had to sit next to him. Hygeine got left at the bottom of the priority list. For the 7,953rd time we had the discussion. Teeth, face, deodorant, hair, clothes. Update, one month later: Some progress. He's setting his alarm. I sometimes have to call him, but it's not an epic battle anymore. And he usually gets the teeth brushed and clothes on without me saying anything. Hasn't been late once.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Addendum to that last note: Lots of grumbling about what FF views as my daily Style Commentary. I may be the autism mom version of Joan Rivers. It's not quite, "Are you wearing THAT!??" More along the lines of "It's too cold out to wear that," or "Find a clean shirt, please." Today's words of style wisdom had to do with the open zipper on his shorts (it was 9 degrees out, BTW, <i>which I did not mention</i>). I pick him up after class and am maternally aghast when I see his zipper still unzipped. When I ask about it, he tells me the zipper is broken. Oh, well then. Perfectly understandable. But NOT SO MUCH! It never occurred to him that it might be preferrable to find a pair of pants with a working zipper. <i>This </i>is why I continue to be on style patrol. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Polar vortex. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">On her own, DD auditioned for and landed a small part in a student theater production. Four nights a week she's with her geeky drama peers, learning the Bard's lines and laughing. We support laughing. It's a very good thing.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Without prompting--ooh, that sounds very nice; let's say it again--<i>without prompting,</i> FF had the instructor sign his accommodations forms AND he dropped off the copy at the disabilty services office. Color me impressed.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's freezing. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This semester DD and FF both have two classes. New tutors for chemistry and for public speaking class are coming and going. I am the official Tutor Seeker, Screener and Scheduler. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And Cab Driver. No progress on transportation. I come and go, to and fro. Classes, workouts, volunteering. Somewhere in between those, I actually go to work for a few hours. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In an effort to increase her financial responsiblities, DD is now paying us a small monthly rent. That and gas are pretty much her only regular expenses. She's now working somewhere between 18-22 hours a week, has her own checking and savings account, and is comfortable using her debit card for little things and for withdrawals and deposits. Paying rent gives her practice writing checks and paying bills. She's now paying for her own tuition and books, but we reimburse her from her college savings account. Next up: phone and car insurance. If at some point she moves to an appartment, she'll at least have an inkling of what financial independence is all about. At least that's the hope. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Update on that one. Out for a drive in our car, DD skidded into a ditch. Polar vortex, freezing, snowy roads. Hondas make terrible luges. Lots of damage but not to her, thankfully. She gets to pay the deductible. Isn't responsibility fun? The good news is that she held up, shivering and shaking for an hour, talking to both the sheriff's deputy and the cop that drove up while waiting for the tow truck. Cop even wished her happy birthday. Probably not her favorite day of celebration.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Attic furnace sputters out during polar votex. Heating and AC guy gives it its last rites. Suggests a $5,000 replacement. And do it soon, he says. Ugh.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For the first time since the nasty incident of almost a year ago (which shall not be further mentioned herein, ahem), FF is talking about getting a job. Maybe a summer job, he says. How to make that happen without any supports is the question of the hour. (FF is now on a postsecondary education path with VR and so no longer has any assistance for employment.) I'm happy, though, that he's ready to get back on the horse.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">February thaw. "We're melting!" (Think Wicked Witch of the West.) </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Though neither child 'o mine likes to talk on the phone (see above), DD is now adept at pizza delivery. She will not starve. Yea. (The pizza boxes and pop cans will eventually engulf her, but she will not starve.) </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Because of this newfound skill, the husband and I actually left the house for a night, went to dinner and stayed at a hotel about an hour away. They survived. We, of course, drove them nuts by calling often. Did I mention they're not Chatty Cathys? Short conversations. Meds were taken, garage doors were closed, the cat was fed. We need to do this more often. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Polar vortex reprise and, oh look, the Weather Channel is predicting substantial icing over the weekend. </span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There will be warmth and sunshine again, right? Right?</span></div>
Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-54250426564957684912014-02-12T12:19:00.000-05:002014-02-13T13:21:36.746-05:00Acceptance and the Dark Cloud of Doom<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">FF and I had one of those car discussions this morning about his autism. He's sick of it. He would get rid of it in a minute if he could. It makes him different and that's what's so painful about it, he says. Above all, he needs to feel that he's like his peers, that he fits in.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLG877EB57PtkxDaT6jpt933pRFovLHK7ePy1nSBaL8413gUMZ_wTV5EJq33ZCX7lKwqA1uOhAoeWRBxraynD_AwdaZ19a_xDPLGfk3oPZQ79wVfXKwB7TkpnZyqxlbdu47EGdIBVdSZk/s1600/cloud+and+sunshine.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLG877EB57PtkxDaT6jpt933pRFovLHK7ePy1nSBaL8413gUMZ_wTV5EJq33ZCX7lKwqA1uOhAoeWRBxraynD_AwdaZ19a_xDPLGfk3oPZQ79wVfXKwB7TkpnZyqxlbdu47EGdIBVdSZk/s1600/cloud+and+sunshine.JPG" height="320" width="251" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Don't you understand, Mom? Autism just makes me stick out."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I listen, I tell him I do understand. I try to point out that he has strengths and some extremely good traits, that his autism isn't all bad. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He doesn't care and doesn't want to hear it. He just wants it to go away. And on and on. I seriously don't know how our conversations in the car devolve into dangerous territory like this. Sigh. I wish he could reach some level of acceptance and peace with it, but no. Or, at least, not yet. I'm not suggesting that he needs to love his autism or begin glorifying it in any way. I'd just like to see him arrive at a level of tolerance that would enable him to "walk around" the potholes in his life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I imagine some day in the not-so-distant future when he'll calmly be able to talk to people about what it's like to have his brand of autism. Maybe he'll even be able to stand up in front of a classroom and describe the day-to-day hurdles to a class of college students. Or maybe he could at least get to the point where he can explain his challenges to a college professor (without an emotional upheaval) so that he can appropriately advocate for his own accommodations without having someone do that for him. But for FF, at least for now, the not-being-able-to-accept-it IS a part of the disability. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As it is, I'm able to divert the conversation to something happier, just before I drop him off for his community college class--a very good thing. But Mom Worries taunt me. How will the conversation color his day and his mood--and, for that matter, eveyone else's with whom he may come into contact?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">An hour-and-a-half later I pick him up, he slides into the front seat, and cheerfully tells me all about the TED talk that his instructor shared with the class from a young college student who has, wait for it..., autism. The video was one of several the class watched, illustrating good public speaking techniques. I actually watched <a href="http://tedxteen.com/talks/tedxteen-2012/111-jacob-barnett-forget-what-you-know"><b>this video</b></a> months ago, and I even showed it to FF and told him about it--although I'm sure he wasn't interested in watching the whole thing. He remembered the student, who is studying quantum physics in Indianapolis (and, no, FF is not one of THOSE students with autism).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Did the instructor include the video specifically because FF is in his class? Did he show it so that FF would know that his autism doesn't need to be a barrier in his class? Or maybe so that the other students would see the tall awkward kid in their class a little differently? Or maybe it was just a coincidence (but I doubt it). I don't know. But at least for a little while, the Dark Cloud of Gloom dissipated. He was happier. I was happier. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So thank you, COMM 101 professor. By showing him that he's not the only one, you helped him fit in just <span style="font-size: xx-small;">a little bit more.</span> It's a little thing, I know, but you eased him into a better day. And for that you get the Gold Star of the day from a grateful autism mom. </span><br />
<br />Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-6737725258726156162013-11-21T10:00:00.000-05:002013-11-21T10:00:08.991-05:00Planning and Chunking a Writing Assignment: How It's Done<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Assignment: short research paper--1,000 words, on an election issue in the U.S. and incorporating information about current election issues from your choice one of the four selected international countries.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Oh goody. Another paper to write. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqWDNT-vcLGu92MOCxmmCoDzOTxJo3IQGSPTWFqTXsfcke6odq-po8JSPvRiYjJE_AsFPrOseHZtcv-YKOQuHZTCbHalZviIjuCARqAFUQ8yJEprFFKjBTQtBMfeO-H9EWxUKFeAEAx6I/s1600/crumpled-paper1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqWDNT-vcLGu92MOCxmmCoDzOTxJo3IQGSPTWFqTXsfcke6odq-po8JSPvRiYjJE_AsFPrOseHZtcv-YKOQuHZTCbHalZviIjuCARqAFUQ8yJEprFFKjBTQtBMfeO-H9EWxUKFeAEAx6I/s1600/crumpled-paper1.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Quick review: FF is wending his way through his political science 101 course at the local community college. Last fall and spring he took two remedial courses in reading and writing and did pretty well in both. But because of his dysgraphia (we talked about that <a href="http://twointransition.blogspot.com/2013/01/dragon-dysgraphia-and-dictated-discourse.html"><b>here</b>)</a>, the writing is still tough. This fall he started out with two courses, but one wasn't a good fit and was dropped early. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">History, politics, government, though--all right up his alley. I drop him off and pick him up from class twice a week, and he chats about videos they've watched or discussions they've had about constitutional rights, the Freedom Riders, the impact of a particular Supreme Court decision. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All good stuff. But oh, the writing. He failed the midterm because half of the exam was an essay. Several other questions asked for short written answers (a definition of a term, an explanation of impact--something more than fill-in-the-blank or a list). Sigh. He's now using the testing center across campus to take the in-class quizzes because most of the answers require short, written answers or a paragraph or two of explanation. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Fortunately, his overall grade will also be based on online quizzes (where he's fared much better), plus class participation, attendance, the final, a research paper, and this shorter paper. For obvious reasons, we steer clear of courses with lots of in-class writing assignments, or where the grade is based solely on the midterm and final exam or only on submitted papers. (Note:That's where it really helps to have an advisor in your corner who is familiar with the instructors on campus. As in our case, this may not always be the person in the disability services office.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, yes, we help him at home with the writing. We help him a lot. But we do not write his papers for him. And, no, it's not a pretty process. Be glad I'm not sharing video here. As in K-12, whenever there was a writing assignment, there is still some gnashing of teeth and doors slamming. For my part, there is a glass of wine during the breaks. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For what it's worth, I'll share here what seems to work, or at least get us all through the assignment. The key for us is <i>chunking</i>. Say, what? you may ask. Chunking is slicing and dicing a task into manageable bites. It's not a new concept by any means--teachers have been using it forever. But for writers on the spectrum, at least OUR writer on the spectrum, we need to chunk up parts of a project or larger task that might seem obvious to other learners. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Part I: Step-by-step Planning</b><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Armed with your Ginsu knives, then, let's plan the 1,000-word POLS101 assignment. We write these steps down, so he can visualize them. And, of course, he gets to check them off as he goes along. </span><br />
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Obtain assignment and look over requirements. (1,000 words, use of video from previous week, additional research. Due date.)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Decide which country and what election issue to focus on.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Watch the video for chosen country. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Do additional research and take notes on video.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Answer the question: "What is it that you want to say about the topic?" This will be your thesis.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Decide on three points you want to make about your thesis.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Develop outline.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Write the Intro, Body (three points and possible sub-points), and Conclusion.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Cite references using MLA style (or whichever is required by the instructor. We use both <b><a href="https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/">Purdue Owl</a></b> and <b><a href="http://citationmachine.net/index2.php">Son of Citation Machine</a></b> for formatting.)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Edit and proofread. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Print or submit online.</span></li>
</ol>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Part II: Chunking</b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Easy peasy, right? Wrong. To a student with ASD and/or dysgraphia, it looks overwhelming and daunting. So what we do next is take a brightly colored marker and draw brackets around items on the list and note what day and time that part of the assignment will be completed. Really important: He makes these decisions, not us. We can give input about possible schedule conflicts, but it's essential that he feels he has had a say into what will get done when. By the time we wrote down the task list, he had already completed the first three tasks, so he checked those off. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Taking into account the due date, what football games were occuring when (don't mess with the Bears schedule!) and what times he wanted to work out, he decided to do the research and video notes Thursday evening. The thesis and the outline development were saved for Friday evening. Saturday afternoon he wrote just the intro and the first paragraph. Sunday afternoon he finished the body and the conclusion. The last three steps we finished on Tuesday evening. He took a 10-minute nerve-calming break in the midst of the writing on Sunday and the reference citing on Tuesday. Breaks are still essential. Also, I scribed for him in order to type the actual paper. If he had done this alone, on his laptop and/or dictating speech to text, we would've had to further slice and dice the composition part of the writing and allow for probably an extra three or four slots in the schedule. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm hoping I can hand off a template of the chunking method to a tutor next semester. And I'm really hoping FF can learn to become more independent with some of the steps. The fine art of fading. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Also, whenever a teacher specifies a word count, there is a considerable amount of stopping to, duh, count words. I'm not thrilled with this, since it takes the focus <i>off </i>the quality of the topic. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I would much rather the teacher specify the font size and spacing and then give a page range, e.g., 3-4 pages. Instead, we have Mr. Essay Accountant, keeping tabs on Word's little counter in the corner of the screen while he also watches the clock. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Think Lucy's vegetable inventory in "The Book Report" song from </span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown.</i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> You've never heard "The Book Report"?? Oh, good grief! <b><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dju4m3ED1w4">Click here</a>. </b>Like Lucy, FF could fill a paper with 1,000 words of fluff and call it a day, thinking he'd met the requirement. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Two more weeks and then the final. Anyone else have some paper-writing survival solutions they'd be willing to share? 12 pt. type, double spaced, and 50 words or less, please!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-48850485083838834392013-10-10T05:00:00.000-04:002013-10-10T15:36:34.424-04:00Accommodate or Modify?<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There's usually a big leap, content- and testing-wise, between middle school and high school. Not a big surprise. However, when students with disabilities have been working with a modified curriculum, homework requirements, and/or tests, it can be a bucket-of-ice-water in the face when transitioning to high school only to find out that those modifications could put a diploma out of reach. Especially if you've been getting As and Bs in your classes all this time. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf053Ipd6dty5bc8B6t9zKnGTSCWZEH2S4jbztbLOGcwBUfJTyz5wIl4pBDbZhPFe8CVaYj27409WiehWL4qS5xqTb9Ua0FZDX423QrFST9f61S1ViCvad7-XWHt135qlKd8XY14USjbI/s1600/Girl+studying+msn.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf053Ipd6dty5bc8B6t9zKnGTSCWZEH2S4jbztbLOGcwBUfJTyz5wIl4pBDbZhPFe8CVaYj27409WiehWL4qS5xqTb9Ua0FZDX423QrFST9f61S1ViCvad7-XWHt135qlKd8XY14USjbI/s1600/Girl+studying+msn.JPG" height="320" width="213" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Given those fabulous report cards, some parents of high school freshmen and sophomores are dumbfounded when they discover that their students are struggling in every academic class and can't pass the required End-of-Course Assessments (ECAs) for algebra or English. Why is that a big deal? Because you can't graduate with a general diploma in the state of Indiana if you don't pass those tests. (Sort of. There's a GQE Evidence-based Waiver, a.k.a. "ECA waiver," for students who meet certain requirements. <a href="http://www.doe.in.gov/assessment/meeting-assessment-requirement-graduationwaiver-process"><b>More about that here.</b></a>)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, stellar middle school report cards, but a frustrated flunking freshman. Where's the disconnect? It's possible that the expectations for some students with disabilities have been lowered for years to such a degree that they're learning and progressing at a much lower level than the rest of their peers. They're still getting those As and Bs, but it's because they're not graded on the same work, tests or even content. Academic life has been modified for them. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Modifications are tempting. They make life easier for everyone. Certainly students, but also teachers and especially parents who play the role of homework wrangler every night. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And believe me, I get it. Modifications can make life liveable. Thirty math problems, a presentation on Renaissance artists, prepping for that botany quiz, and an essay on Lois Lowry's </span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Giver </i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">can be meltdown and rage-inducing for an 8th grader with autism. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I think, at times and for some students (mine included), that modifications are essential for sanity. But they come at a price, and it's often one that isn't explained to parents and students until they're six weeks or more into their freshman year. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here's the thing: <i>Accommodations </i>are okay. <i>Modifications</i>, not so much IF you want to graduate with more than a certificate of completion. What's the difference?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Accommodations </b>give students with disabilities <i>access </i>to the same curriculum, tests and work expected of every other student. These are the things that "level the playing field" a bit. They include things like:</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">reading a test aloud </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">letting a student read the test aloud to themselves</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">letting a student take a test in quiet room</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">large-print text books</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">text books for at-home use </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">allowing a student to use a computer</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">giving extra time to complete an assignment or take a test</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">giving short breaks during a test</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Those are just a few of the commonly used accommodations, which will vary depending upon the barriers or challenges a student has that prevent he/she from taking a test or soaking up the content a teacher is providing. Case conference committees (IEP teams) need to approve necessary accommodations and they must be written into the IEP. Accommodations listed on a student's IEP can also be used when that student is taking a statewide assessment like an ECA test (or an ISTEP test in elementary school). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Modifications</b>, on the other hand,<b> </b>actually <i>change </i>either what is being taught or what is expected of a student. They might enable students to learn at least some of the material being taught in a classroom. Common modifications include:</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">allowing fewer math problems</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">substituting with simpler content material</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">substituting videos for written content</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">providing word banks of choices on tests</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">shorter tests</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">pass/fail options</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Modifications might decrease student stress and anxiety to the point that they can be included in a general education class. Those modifications, though, may prevent a high school student from demonstrating her/his mastery of or proficiency in a subject or skill, which may in turn prevent the student from being graded the same way peers are graded. And, of course, the more modifications are used in elementary and middle school, the less likely the student will be able to tolerate higher level content expectations and testing in high school and college. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For a more comprehensive list of accommodations and modifications, see the Smart Kids with Learning Disabilities <a href="http://www.smartkidswithld.org/guide-to-action/educational-planning/examples-of-accommodations-and-modifications"><b>website here</b>.</a> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I think there's room for debate as to which camp some of the accommodations and modifications should be pitching their tents in. Use of a calculator on math assessments, for example, is accepted as an accommodation for many standardized tests, but it's listed as a modification in some instances. I understand that if the test is assessing mastery of multiplication, and the student is depending on a calculator for the answer, that would be seen as a modification. I believe, however, that students with severe fine motor or dysgraphia challenges should be allowed to use a caculator for algebra and higher level math. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is just as much as issue in postsecondary education. Son FF, who does have nasty dysgraphia problems, is taking an intro to government/political science community college class. He can easily tell you that Jefferson borrowed from Hobbes, Locke, Rousseau and Thomas Paine when he wrote the Declaration of Independence. He can also explain to you how Shay's Rebellion illustrated the need for a stronger Constitution or how third-party campaigns have influenced elections and public thought. Can he write you an in-class essay on any of those topics during a midterm or final exam (currently required)? No. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Should the instructor be required to test him verbally or give him an alternative assessment? I don't honestly know. I admit to being torn on this one. I'm a writer. I think writing is an important form of neuro-organization and communication. But I understand the Universal Design for Instruction argument about supporting learners in both instruction and assessment. (See <a href="http://www.cast.org/system/galleries/download/byCAST/udlassessment.pdf"><b>"Universal Design for Learning: Implications for Large-Scale Assessment." </b></a>Should the college encourage, support and accept the use of assistive technology (e.g., laptops, word processing software with grammar and spell checking, and speech-to-text software like Dragon)? Absolutely--and the sooner the better. Right now, though, they're sadly lagging in that department. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Any readers have secondary or postsecondary experiences with the accommodations vs. modifications issue? Sharing and problem-solving much appreciated!</span>Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-30414108472782503002013-09-25T05:00:00.000-04:002013-09-25T05:00:02.112-04:00Suggestion Box Issue No. 573: It's Time to Separate Medicaid from Medicaid Waiver Services<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Cindy Mann</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Deputy Administrator and Director</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Center for Medicaid and CHIP Services</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">7500 Security Blvd. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Baltimore, MD 21244</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Dear Director Mann:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know you probably don't actually HAVE a suggestion box, so bear with me while I transform my blog into one for this post. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj21gAwtDSW1XY594LxgibZjP10QLaD65xOwJP5fB_t9-W6cgu5FH1DNqlG9d30DEScZJRhWvRFPm2dh0b6-cZGaVEFSKcpgcBksY-y3HuWTMhkP0E393EXPgn-tOdnkVQTme5NOZylH2U/s1600/MP900442237.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj21gAwtDSW1XY594LxgibZjP10QLaD65xOwJP5fB_t9-W6cgu5FH1DNqlG9d30DEScZJRhWvRFPm2dh0b6-cZGaVEFSKcpgcBksY-y3HuWTMhkP0E393EXPgn-tOdnkVQTme5NOZylH2U/s1600/MP900442237.JPG" height="200" width="151" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here's my recommendation-of-the-hour: <b>Let's divorce Medicaid from the group of supports sometimes called Medicaid Waiver services.</b> Let them go their separate ways. Call it splitsville. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Divvy up the community benefits (and funding). </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Consult the attorneys (of course). </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know. It's painful and sad, and there might be a name change involved. But it's time. This just isn't working. And it never did. Sure, intentions were honorable. I'm sure the original matchmakers who created this little arrangement thought more people with disabilities and their families could be provided with needed services. They trusted the states to get the job done. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But the parties are dissatisfied. Waiting lists are long, years, often decades long. Services are too little and much too late. And the rules and benefits vary vastly from state to state. Those extra "little" lifelines like behavioral therapies and assistive technology that the Yentas thought states would provide to help out more families are actually being withheld until children with disabilities become adults with disabilities. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then those same young adults, coming out of high school, are told they're eligible for a Waiver (a.k.a. Autism Waiver, Developmental Disability Waiver, Home and Community Services Waiver), but first they have to be poor. At 18. It isn't enough that they have a disability. Or that they and their parents will never be able to pay for the services they need. Essentially that young person with a disability needs to become needy and promise to stay needy for the rest of his or her life. </span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sure
there are trusts, but then someone else
gets to decide when, how and on what that young adult can spend their money.</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's not a very good lesson in self-determination.</span></span><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .5in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm sure the original intent was to make the eligibility process easier. After all, at the time this matrimonial unbliss began, virtually all people with developmental disabilities had to be on Medicaid to obtain necessary medical care for the rest of their lives. Good jobs for them were unlikely, therefore, insurance coverage via an employer was unlikely. So the assumption probably was that they will, out of necessity, be both poor and on Medicaid. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sadly, though there have been some improvements, the unemployment/underemployment/sub-minimum wage possibilities are still with us. But the good news is that the Affordable Care Act is already a game changer for people with disabilities. Sons and daughters, if already covered under their parents' employer plans, can continue to be covered until they turn 26. (btw, Suggestion Box Issue No. 574: Can we extend that to 30 for children who have disabilities?)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That buys them eight more years to try to get a good job, to get a degree, to be an apprentice and learn a skill. Eight more years some of those young adults don't need Medicaid. Eight more years when they might not have to be impoverished. Yet. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But yes, to do those things, they still need some supports. But let's not call them Waiver supports anymore. Ability Services maybe. Or The [insert corporate sponsor or name of large foundation-that-wants-to-help-defray-the-costs-of-this-program here] Supports. Whatever. And, lord knows, we don't need yet another agency involved or application to fill out for young adults in transition. By all means, let's not make this harder. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">By letting formerly-known-as Medicaid Waiver services go its own way, we can open the discussion about eligibility, when children and families could best benefit from services, and yes, funding. And, let's also open the discussion to means testing. (Readers, please don't flog me.) Some families can afford to pay for a portion of the services. I think it's important that those who can, do. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Breaking up is hard to do. Sniff. But surely we can be amicable about this can't we? For the sake of the children?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<br />
<div>
<div>
</div>
</div>
Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-36116896750076013382013-08-21T14:15:00.000-04:002013-08-21T14:15:06.625-04:00My Shrinking Boy: The Challenges of Maintaining a Healthy Weight on the ASD Spectrum<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">299.6! That's the celebrated number of the day. It's what appeared on the scale after son Fickle Fan's latest workout at the gym. And, yes, that's a GOOD number. It's what we're calling his sub-goal, and it's taken a long time to get there. But get there he did. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga2YdWuByvP8C5O7r_sSvKNhpq27pGtDEjNgv2kW_FTJ4kXkzxFhQ7Owi3MoU_l4rSdTrwVmHf1JS0bYuHAXhwomDoxRaE5s1QfHbvdyD0klGPptY90Wh0hfRs7qlaL07WiGyJfE82V-s/s1600/scale.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga2YdWuByvP8C5O7r_sSvKNhpq27pGtDEjNgv2kW_FTJ4kXkzxFhQ7Owi3MoU_l4rSdTrwVmHf1JS0bYuHAXhwomDoxRaE5s1QfHbvdyD0klGPptY90Wh0hfRs7qlaL07WiGyJfE82V-s/s1600/scale.JPG" height="320" width="228" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Before all the health fanatics come out to pounce on me, yes, we know that's probably still what a physician might characterize as "morbidly obese," and, yes FF is still working on it. Thus the "sub" goal. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But we're also extremely proud of him. He's lost at least 35 lbs. over the course of two years.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Slow process, and lots of weeks with the two steps forward, three back cha-cha. I know some of you out there understand. We have similar stories. The weight began to pile on when FF was about 9, when he began taking Abilify. (Note: I refuse to bad-mouth that drug--it was a life changer for FF and all of us; but yep, it came at hefty price. Ahem.) I don't know whether the med somehow physiologically causes weight gain or if it just causes the constant, never satisfied, all-consuming, ravenous hunger FF lives with, but the pile-on of pounds and a risk for diabetes is a nasty side-effect of that whole class of anti-psychotics.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've read similar laments from other families. I've seen the photos of your teens on the autism spectrum who look a lot like FF. Big teddy bears. Or maybe grizzly bears. Teaching them to moderate their eating, encouraging them to exercise and getting them to step away from the video games is a huge challenge in the adolescent, young adult years. But it has to happen, because the alternative is a lifetime of bad habits and poor health.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So today, I watched FF get out of the car and head into the gym, and I noticed! Definite shrinking of that extra shelf he's been carrying around his waist for years. Good for him!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">How has that happened? I wish I could just say it was just one thing, but it's really been a combination of approaches over the course of two years. The first was Weight Watchers. He attended meetings regularly for about a year, sitting on folding chairs amidst the mostly middle-aged women and listending to the pep talks. And though he just couldn't do the tracking that is essential to WW success, he did lose his first 25 pounds in the first six months at WW. Even more importantly, he learned a lot about the importance of lean protein, high fiber foods. (There's never a bag of chips sitting on top of our fridge anymore.) But despite the diet changes, quite a bit of that weight eventually came back anyway.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Beginning probably his sophomore year in high school, we also began weaning him off of Abilify (after the introduction of Intuniv). That too has been a very long, slow, careful process. For the past year, he's been taking 1/2 gram a day. (Have you ever tried to quarter those annoying little pills?) Finally, at 19, we've said buh-bye to Abilify.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But we're proudest of his newfound commitment to exercise. Since mid-January he's been working with a trainer at Anytime Fitness for just under an hour every week, and he pops into Anytime for two or three additional 30-40 minute workouts during the week. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can't say enough great things about <a href="http://www.anytimefitness.com/membership/success-stories"><b>Anytime Fitness</b></a>, by the way. (Shameless plug, but no, I'm not being paid.) His trainer has been wonderful with him, teaching him the exercises, raising the expectation bar, and building his confidence. And she's willing to chat with him about sports--one of his big interests. Probably helps she comes from a large family. Plus he just likes being there. He's not intimidated, and we can just drop him off; he has his own key and knows exactly what to do when he gets in there. We were initially concerned that we would have to pay for two memberships plus an hourly wage to a peer buddy to workout with him, but he's fine on his own at Anytime. The staff and clients all accept him, and it's become a social activity. That's what community inclusion is all about. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Soapbox Issue #647: Hey, researchers! I'd really like to see more of those dollars currently going into ridiculous cause studies diverted to effective healthy living strategies for young adults with autism (and their families). Talk amongst your funders!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Meanwhile, today's special number is 299.6. (Cue the Count from Sesame Street!)</span>Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-32684171625051795022013-07-25T10:00:00.000-04:002013-08-14T23:26:23.218-04:00An Asperger's Diagnosis in College: Girl Interrupted<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We pretty much knew that son Fickle Fan, diagnosed with mild-to-moderate autism at the age of 3 1/2, would need some long-term supports and parental paving-of-the-way to successfully, safely progress from toddler to adult. But we haven't talked much about what happens when your student isn't actually identified as being on the spectrum until <i>after </i>high school. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSzMiosk9ceEJM7P4FgiqyUCtjmCOk01r1Fgt6zL_7X8c5TrCPDjnDYyAfo5GIPpZExLhwUCJNZEEt10zqprMGGHOXG2FJkkPm6ioewDpr2THwXS-n8ibIJiJPz91wrYR13qFdZI4uePI/s1600/helicopter+clipart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSzMiosk9ceEJM7P4FgiqyUCtjmCOk01r1Fgt6zL_7X8c5TrCPDjnDYyAfo5GIPpZExLhwUCJNZEEt10zqprMGGHOXG2FJkkPm6ioewDpr2THwXS-n8ibIJiJPz91wrYR13qFdZI4uePI/s1600/helicopter+clipart.jpg" height="320" width="226" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Enter Daughter Dearest. In her case, that happened after a disasterous first semester at her very nice, Midwestern private school of choice. This is the school that gave her a helpful scholarship and was pleased that she was interested in biology and had the ACT scores and transcripts to back it up. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is DD's story. It's a cautionary tale for families, for colleges, for high school guidance counselors, and for students themselves whose lives start coming apart at the seams <i>after </i>Mom and Dad unload the van and drive into the distance. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you've been a T in T reader for awhile, you'll remember that DD was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder at age 11. For the most part it was under control with meds, though we had concerns on multiple fronts, especially in high school. But we were living in a smallish, rural community. There was not a pediatric psychiatrist or even a therapist familiar with OCD in young girls within a three hour drive of our home. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The meds-only treatment approach, however, probably masked DD's Asperger's symptoms. Plus, it's common for girls on the spectrum to be missed--they tend to be somewhat more social than boys, don't always have some of the other obvious signs that boys on the spectrum have, and have learned to get by. And that's the problem. It's not until somewhere between middle school and college that many girls on the spectrum are identified, especially if they're higher functioning. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But it's true that I had those ongoing concerns. We always said that DD leaned into the spectrum. Somewhat awkward social skills. Few friends; some years none at all. Voracious reader of fantasy/dragon literature (but couldn't seem to "grow out" of or branch into any other genre). Very quiet in the classroom, but capable of carrying out a loud, bombastic comedic role onstage. Pacing and self-talking (acting out scenes from her life) in her room (but not in public). Inability to prioritize. Inability to organize. Little interest in learning life skills. Despite her OCD and typical germaphobe issues, her room would've been a contender for an episode of "Hoarders." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Big red flags began waving her senior year. We even had discussions about delaying her entrance for a semester or even a year. So if you're wondering, even just a little, here's what you need to know:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Lesson #1: If you have a student with "tendencies," get them tested by a reputable professional <i>before </i>they leave high school. </b>It is unlikely that the school system will pay for this ("She's doing fine; she's on the honor roll.") so hopefully it will be covered by your insurance. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In our case it was not. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Find someone who has expertise testing adolescents on the spectrum and have them do a detailed analysis of your child's strengths and challenges. This was a huge eye-opener for us and helped DD and us better understand what she needed in terms of support. The tests also clued us in (duh!) to her high IQ. If we'd had this information about her particular challenges and the areas at which she excels, we might have been able to put her on a better path <i>before </i>she was left to fend for herself at lovely Midwestern college. As it was, we--DD, her psychiatrist, a therapist, and her parents--sputtered around for at least a year after the disastrous semester before we pursued the testing (or even knew she should be tested!). So diagnosis and comes-the-dawn moment took place at age 20.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Keep in mind that if your student begins having problems in college, it may be difficult to get them the help they need on campus. For many neurotypical students it's a real challenge to walk into a campus mental health center and talk with someone. If your student is on the spectrum, it may be even tougher for he or she to 1) recognize they have a problem, 2) make the call or walk into a counseling or campus mental health center to make an appointment and 3) actually TALK to someone about what's happening. And many college counseling or mental health centers are staffed by psychology grad students. Again, your student needs to be evaluated by a qualified professional who has experience adminstering a variety of intelligence tests and other evaluative instruments AND who is comfortable working with adolescents. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Lesson #2: Depression--all too common among adolescents on the spectrum-- can be dangerous and life changing. Learn the signs.</b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> After about a month at lovely Midwestern college, we saw problems arising. Lack of communication was number one on the list. She began avoiding texts, emails, and phone calls. It's not really worth trying to figure out what triggered the depression because by that time there were a number of contributing factors: a very tough schedule, roommates who made her feel awkward, DD's own inability to seek out help, and a pharmacy that didn't deliver her meds to the campus pharmacy as they were supposed to. Co-occuring conditions--depression, bi-polar disorder and excessive anxiety, among them--frequently arise in students on the spectrum during their adolescence or young adult years. It's extremely important to monitor our kids during these years (which may be tough to do from afar) and get treatment for them when they need it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Lesson #3: Insist on a private dorm room. </b></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I had pre-discussions with lovely Midwestern college about one of my major concerns: overcrowded dorm rooms. It's not uncommon these days to pack three or more freshman into a dorm room the size of a large walk in closet, something that was over-the-top stressful for DD, who's always had her own room. I had suggested a private room, which would have cost more, but we would have made it happen. DD, though, didn't think she'd have a problem and didn't want to draw attention to herself by making unusual demands. As a result, DD had little privacy and no chance to engage in the little self-calming rituals that help her get through each day. Private dorm rooms give our students needed sanctuary. By the time life in the dorm became intolerable DD was too embarrased to say anything, or talk to her RA about moving to another room, and she refused to let us intervene. It was only after we brought her home in December that we found out she'd been hiding out at the library or in the lounge down the hall until the wee hours of the mornings so that she wouldn't have to interact with her roommates, that she'd been physicaly ill for awhile, and that she had not been taking her medications regularly for weeks.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The alternative to the private dorm room, of course, is to live at home and commute to a nearby university or community college. Add in transportation, social isolation challenges, and parental dependence, accordingly and adjust as needed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Lesson #4: Have your student sign a release of information form. </b>At the ripe old age of 18, your student is an independent young adult and will be treated as such by the college they're attending. You, therefore, will not be entitled to any, ANY, information about your student. Doesn't matter if you pay the bills. Report cards, notices, tickets, any other communications will be delivered to your student who does not need to share them with you. The school is not actually allowed to give you any information unless your student has signed a release form. DD became quite good at shielding grades and progess (or lack thereof) from us, which only increased her shame and embarrasment and our inability to see what was really happening. After several semesters of this at both lovely Midwestern college and local community college, she agreed to sign the release form and knew that we would actually call the college retention office to check on her status in her classes. Which brings us to...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Lesson #5: For some of us, helicopter parenting is a life-saving necessity. </b>Don't let the school, your student, or other parents make you feel ashamed of what you have to do to help your child on the spectrum. Unless they, too, have a child with HFA or Asperger's and have been where you are, they just won't get it. College is extremely important for many of our higher functioning students, but some just don't have all the skills in place yet to do it on their own. That doesn't mean they shouldn't be allowed to participate in postsecondary ed; it just means you may need to find the right supports to make it happen for them. That said, you can't overdo it. Your child has to learn life skills that will help he or she become more independent, so you'll gradually need to back off and take away the scaffolding. For some of us, that's a slow process; for others it's not as difficult. With the help of a therapist, find what works for you.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Lesson #6: "Four years and out" does NOT necessarily apply to spectrum students. </b>Thanks to mountains of student debt, universities around the country are now trying to encourage (read "push") students to complete their bachelor's degrees in four years (or even less--with summer tuition discounts for full-time students)--not that it's really helping, given rising tuition, the doubling of interest rates, and increasing credit demands for some majors. Ahem. (Okay, so I side-step now and then.) The point is that many, many students with higher functioning autism need to take a lighter schedule. One or two classes per semester will help them begin to understand their schedule and academic demands. Build on that as appropriate. Stop comparing your student to his peers who are taking 18 honors-level credits a semester. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Lesson #7: A volunteer position or part-time job will help students build social and resume skills. </b>This was tough at first for DD. After moving back home and trying to put humpty-dumpty's pieces back in place, DD was taking classes, but going nowhere and doing absolutely nothing else that didn't involve the spine of a fantasy novel or the glow of a computer screen. But because of her challenges and sub-basement level self-esteem, she didn't think she was capable of getting a job. At that point we turned to VR and a local employment provider, which helped her get her foot in the door. A year and a half later, she's working 12-15 hours a week at a new job (one she got on her own), learning new skills. I've heard of many students on the spectrum who graduate with a college degree and, years later, still don't have a job or are underemployed and undervalued. I think it's essential for our students to build job skills and explore career paths while they're in college. They need to be able to connect the dots to employment, or that degree may be nothing more than wall art.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So where does that bring DD? Leagues further than where she was three years ago, but still working on things. In addition to her job, she's now taken enough courses to apply for a transfer to another lovely Midwestern university, albeit one that's much closer to home. She now understands what she needs to thrive academically. She can get herself out of bed when she needs to (and oh you better believe that was a huge accomplishment). She drives, handles her own meds and refills, pays for her own gas and clothes, does her own laundry. All good. And s</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">he and her new therapist chink away at her OCD and Aspie challenges.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> More financial independence and responsibility, setting long-term goals for herself, and finding a career that jives with her interests are a few things on the to-do list. So, one more lesson...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<b style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Lesson #8: Setbacks are a part of the process. </b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">None of this is easy. There were times when we were at a complete loss and getting nowhere. But because students like DD can stumble and fall repeatedly, they can carry around a crushing amount of shame. It's really important to assure students that a bad semester, an unwritten paper, an inability to meet and talk with a professor does not mean permanent failure. People get second chances in life. Our students get multiple chances to pick themselves up (with help) and try, try, try again. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you're thinking about college for your student, there are an increasing number of programs with built in supports for students with high functioning autism. Warning: most are extremely expensive, but if that's not an issue for you, here are a few "thinking about it" sites to get you started. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://teacch.com/educational-approaches/preparing-for-college-tips-for-students-with-hfa-aspergers-syndrome-new-gladys-williams-and-ann-palmer"><b>"Preparing for College: Tips for Students with HFA/Asperger's Syndrome"</b></a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Marshall University, WV--the <b><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFXlZsHM9NE">College Program for Students with Asperger's </a></b></span><br />
<a href="http://www.cipworldwide.org/" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>College Internship Program</b></a><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://experiencecle.com/"><b>College Living Experience</b></a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.aheadd.org/index"><b>AHEADD: Achieving in Higer Education</b></a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-73325655868081110922013-07-09T05:00:00.000-04:002013-07-09T09:25:35.383-04:00Fired: Another Lesson Learned<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Son Fickle Fan lost his job a month ago. He was fired. I've been trying to figure out how to share that with all of you--this is my umpteenth attempt--without pointing fingers or giving you the wrong impression. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Thus the lag in my posts. But this is a blog about our transition experiences and this qualifies as a dang-blasted transition experience, so there it is. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXN-FWpkPq0CMiJQpeIlgiOGGQE7dCZuEV8nhjo2Tpr4hS4whW3Bdzw91k61eFplDRe8sulEJvld6qk3riiwJgrRr0-6a5f40w_1sdXFpQZD-dyTzlkjUeee3IdOABtexxqhkvzi6w4Eo/s1600/You+are+Fired.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXN-FWpkPq0CMiJQpeIlgiOGGQE7dCZuEV8nhjo2Tpr4hS4whW3Bdzw91k61eFplDRe8sulEJvld6qk3riiwJgrRr0-6a5f40w_1sdXFpQZD-dyTzlkjUeee3IdOABtexxqhkvzi6w4Eo/s1600/You+are+Fired.jpg" height="151" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's been painful. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When I started this blog, though, it was with the intent to talk about just how transition works for families and their young adult children. Or, sometimes, doesn't work. Transition is a tangled mish mash of sketchy services, piles of paperwork, agency denials, misinformation, and all too little funding. It's also a discovery process of learning and letting go and newfound independence. I think this was a little of both categories.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You don't need to know the whole sordid tale. Things hadn't been going well for months. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And then a few weeks ago, while I was at work, I got the call. You know the one. The one from your son who rarely ever uses his cell phone. And just thirty minutes or so after dropping him off at work. This can't be good.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Mom! <i>(gasping and sobbing)</i> Come quick! I'm in crisis. I got in a fight at work. The police are here."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That call. When I arrived, son Fickle Fan was sitting on the ground, outside the store, with his back up against the wall, crying, shaking, and terrified. It was heartwrenching. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Long story short, no one was hurt, no charges were filed, but FF had lashed out physically and it was bad enough that the manager did not want him to ever come back. There are a lot of factors involved in the why this happened. The most painful part is that it could have been prevented. We've learned a lot about the need for management (and possibly co-worker) training, the need to help FF understand how to get help when he needs to work through a problem at work, the need for on-the-job support, and on and on. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">FF was devastated. And in a combo of self-protection and crumbling self-esteem, he's decided he does not want to work for now. He's going to focus on school. (More on that some other time.) We have to support him in his choices and help him explore new paths. As tough as that may be.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Probably the most concerning and most gut-churning lesson learned, though, is that once they hear about this episode, people immediately jump to the conclusion that FF is violent. It's so wrong and so unfair, but I understand where that's coming from. FF is a big guy, a teenager, and he has autism. Three strikes. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Last week, a disability services professional evaluating him for non-employment training asked FF about his job experiences. FF truthfully told her what had happened (TMI honesty being a common characteristic of high functioning autism). She left the room and came back with a release for us to sign, giving her permission to talk with his therapist. She said she couldn't put staff at risk who would be training him in close quarters. I was floored. She obviously had an image of a different person in her mind than the FF I know. I willingly told her to call the therapist, who, I know, will back me up. I felt like crying all afternoon after that appointment.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoY6Zy1D8KMaqk90MggkDNIyUAv_HRtbRSndXTP-NLI4jWhQyKTzdOzn2ijWGpP_ac8HDLwSkN9LEagl67THFhpMx6wq_0NEE1EbwYAbLrakeR7OVRpTSEFghYi61y83yj4FJwKSa_O7Q/s1600/hoodie+wbur.org.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoY6Zy1D8KMaqk90MggkDNIyUAv_HRtbRSndXTP-NLI4jWhQyKTzdOzn2ijWGpP_ac8HDLwSkN9LEagl67THFhpMx6wq_0NEE1EbwYAbLrakeR7OVRpTSEFghYi61y83yj4FJwKSa_O7Q/s1600/hoodie+wbur.org.jpg" height="179" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here's the thing: Those three strikes I mentioned above? All three are factors, but if he were just a big teenager, people would understand--they'd chalk it up to </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">occasional anger issues and immaturity. A not yet developed pre-frontal cortex. Throw autism into that mix, though, and some people immediately jump to the could-be-a-violent-criminal conclusion. It's the hoodie of our world. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Years ago, my husband and I were at a party thrown by some friends. I noticed a huge hole in the drywall of the kitchen and asked what had happened. With a wince, they admitted their teenage son had gotten angry and put his fist through the wall. At the time, I was shocked. But now I get it. I can assure you, though, that no one looked at this kid as a potential criminal; as I recall, he was pretty popular in high school. And, now grown, is he sitting behind bars somewhere? Of course not! After finishing his master's degree, he got a very good job, married and has a family. His parents are very proud of him.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That nasty cocktail of emotion, adrenaline, and testosterone coursing through the veins of some teenage males whose brains are still developing can cause some seriously scary incidents. But we understand that they will mature; the incidents will become fewer as they enter their twenties. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Does that mean we don't need to pay attention to the autism factor? Nope. The "zero-to sixty-in-no-time-flat anger problem when triggered by specific circumstances" (belittling, mocking, being physicially or emotionally backed into a corner) may be a manifestation of his teenage brain, but I the out-of-proportion reaction to those circumstances could still be autism. I'm told he'll mature and the anger will probably subside with age, but until then FF needs help with figuring out how to identify and escape those every-now-and-then situations before the volcanic eruption occurs. Thus the therapist. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don't think FF is the only teen with autism going through this problem. And he's certainly not the only teen who's also had anger issues while learning how to drive, work a first job, or take classes. Many, many children with autism who have tantrums and rages, grow to be teens who have fewer of those problems, but who still have them--occasionally. And many of those teens--so the experts tell me--grow to be young adults whose now-and-then anger issues have abated and who are able to live productive lives.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Still trying to make that happen. </span><br />
<br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-75692794539720881082013-05-24T11:36:00.000-04:002013-05-24T11:36:37.352-04:00Change Is Not a 6-Letter Expletive<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In the autism world, "change" is a dirty word. If this were Hogwarts, wizards would be whispering the ch-word as if it were He Who Must Not Be Named. But if we expect the secondary transition years to be successful, we need to stop blaming Change for all the evils that befall the world. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm here to tell you Change has gotten a bad rap. Framed, I tell ya! It's been framed!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQfBT5qB3C4abjZqVwu1wLTsCyYdd4Nx2qMAPYI5upF2LZcIWrMttO14nroCvOkxunHFAlEdriUTWJtf36VaCoXpOx8_9wueUy_O42u5jLdyEzkm06-hpF0HC_CLKHvXc14MX1dL1OWGc/s1600/jenksrecap102_244.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQfBT5qB3C4abjZqVwu1wLTsCyYdd4Nx2qMAPYI5upF2LZcIWrMttO14nroCvOkxunHFAlEdriUTWJtf36VaCoXpOx8_9wueUy_O42u5jLdyEzkm06-hpF0HC_CLKHvXc14MX1dL1OWGc/s1600/jenksrecap102_244.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Chad in his room, from MTV's </i>Word of Jenks.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why? Who did this to poor, little innocent Change? We did. Teachers, therapists and, yes, parents. We've been trying to protect (and maybe coddle?) our children on the spectrum who tend to take comfort in their routines. It's true, though: poor, little innocent Change does seem to be present at the scene of a number of meltdowns and explosions. Just watch what happens when you tell a 5-year-old ASD child who has Frosted Flakes every morning that you're all out and she'll need to make due with Lucky Charms. Or, those of you who've been watching MTVs <i><a href="http://www.mtv.com/shows/world_of_jenks/series.jhtml">World of Jenks</a></i> this season saw how Chad, now a young man with autism, handled the news that he was moving away from his childhood home. (Not a fan of Jenks yet!!? Just watching Chad's year of transition is worth it. See if you can watch this past season on Hulu or catch up on Xfinity.) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Okay, at first glance it looks like Change is doing a number on our kids, so it's no wonder we do everything we can to avoid it. We've even taught our children the drill. You can hear spectrum kids tell adults they don't like change; that they need things to stay the same. But change is a part of life. Unintentionally then, we've taught them that because of their inability to cope with change, kids with ASD can't live a broader life with more experiences. We let them and even encourage them to walk the same path even when it becomes a rut. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But do we need to? I think we've oversimplified the issue for far too long. And we're pointing the finger at the wrong culprit. It isn't Change that should've been indicted. It's Loss. And in some instances Loss likes to hang out with Change--but not always. Sometimes Change brings along good friends, like Happiness, Excitement, Opportunity and Better Circumstances. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When you think about it, transition IS change. That's what it's all about. Graduation, jobs, transportation, college, more independence, maybe some new roommates, and sometimes new housing. And, yes, Loss is there. Transition means saying goodbye to high school teachers, bus drivers, friends, and familiar environments. But I think it's possible to cushion the blow if you prepare students in transition for <u>both</u> Loss and for Change's good friends. And then celebrate the changes as they come. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In the season finale of <i>World of Jenks</i>, Chad had to move with his parents, away from the home he grew up in--a devastating loss for him. After the move, however, he was able to sleep in his own room for the first time in his life. In that instance, Change brought along Opportunity for Growth. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In our case, we discovered fairly early that major blow ups could be avoided in change situations if we (and teachers) fully explained to son Fickle Fan both whatever new thing would be occurring, as well as what would NOT be happening as a result of the change. If we didn't prepare FF for the loss, though, and he only discovered it after the change had occurred, it could set off a little boy Krakatoa. So, ideally, it would work like this: "This afternoon you'll be going to a school-wide assembly. That means that today we won't be going to the library as we normally would. Instead we'll go to the gym with the class and watch a puppet show." If we knew that losing library period was a big loss to him, we might also see if there was some way he could go the library right after lunch or the next day. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But, please note, it was just as important not to sugar coat the loss or avoid telling him about what he would lose, as it was to put a positive spin on the good things that could result from the change. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Sure. I can only relate our story and how the plot plays out for us. Every child is different, and your pages may not turn the same way. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Many of our kids on the spectrum, however, are pretty intuitive and are capable of understanding much more than we give them credit for. Sometimes, we had to explain things visually with a diagram or flow chart. Not giving FF the full story in advance, though, only makes him feel blind sided and betrayed. And more likely to distrust future change. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The lessons here that apply to (Indiana) middle school and high school transition are numerous: the diploma vs. certificate discussion; the Core 40 curriculum; End-of-Course Assessments and remedial courses; academics vs. work study courses; dropping out, graduating at 18, or staying in school until 22; college and testing; pursuing a new interest; participating in an extracurricular activity. All of those things bring change. Most also bring a certain amount of loss (time and freedom are two of the biggies) as well as possibilities or opportunities. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Each of these situations had to be fully explored and explained. The message here: More information for students and families in middle school is definitely a good thing, so that they can prepare for the bad, the ugly, AND the good. In fact, family transition training would be very helpful--but that's another blog. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Meanwhile, please, give Change a break. Take him off of the Top Ten ASD Criminals List and let him party with his good friends. Loss will probably be there too, but he can sit in the corner. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-50816055505122292492013-05-10T10:00:00.000-04:002013-05-10T10:00:00.064-04:00Step Back, Mom! Or How I Became a Rhinoceras<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A few weeks ago, I received an early Mother's Day present from 22-year-old Daughter Dearest. She sat me down and after a deep breath, oh-so politely told me to back off. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMrFrKkGIUd8MQTwrV8yQii48fThivY51e0NgYZPyq2vlIiNL8p0gc-Nn0N5TbDAo7aZHOPd9IRKRQS14cHChBzyCnTodO6sqPpGeyhX0yveFurm89zoCKIxUOT6c_rLgyJoOCIWrq43A/s1600/Rhinoceras.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMrFrKkGIUd8MQTwrV8yQii48fThivY51e0NgYZPyq2vlIiNL8p0gc-Nn0N5TbDAo7aZHOPd9IRKRQS14cHChBzyCnTodO6sqPpGeyhX0yveFurm89zoCKIxUOT6c_rLgyJoOCIWrq43A/s1600/Rhinoceras.JPG" height="210" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I think the actual exchange went something like this:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">DD: (<i>with a This-Is-Big portent and hesitency</i>) Mom, I need to tell you something.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: (<i>cautiously</i>) Okaaaay, is this something you talked about with your therapist?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">DD: Yes. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: Alright, good. What is it?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">DD: (<i>slowly at first, but picking up steam</i>) I need to start speaking up for myself more, so you need to stop doing it for me. I mean, you're really good at it, and I appreciate that, but I need to start talking for myself. The problem is that when you're with me and you take the lead in those situations, it makes me look incapable.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: (<i>dumbfounded</i>) You're absolutely right. I'm sorry if I tend to step in with doctors or advisors when we meet with them. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">DD: It's okay. It's just that you've always been good at knowing what questions to ask and what to say in those situations, but I need to learn how to do it for myself now.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: I'm okay with that. Really. And, i</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">n fact, I think you just handled that--talking to me--very well. Nice job, DD!...So, do you want me to make that call to your advisor about the career assessments, or do you want to do it on your own?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">DD: (<i>laughing and now realizing the responsibility she's taking on</i>) I want to make the call, but it's okay for you to coach me so I know what to say. Okay?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Me: Absolutely! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Definitely a shocker. About 7.8 on the Richter scale, actually. When we list DD's strengths, Avoiding Confrontation is right there holding first place. During those times when she does need to get her point across, she's usually passive aggressive to the nth degree. Just the opposite of her brother, who has no problem adovcating for himself, which he often does inappropriately, but he's certainly out front about it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We've always suspected DD was born with that retract-into-her-shell tendency, but it's possible that her Aspieness, her OCD, and growing up with a brother who spent a lot of time railing and gnashing against the world also hindered her abilty to learn to advocate for herself. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Trouble is, those of us who are autism moms can become very skilled at advocacy. You discover it's a must-have skill early on. But after all of the IEP meetings, therapy sessions, appoinments with specialists, talks with well-meaning but completely untrained classroom volunteers, explanations to pee-wee league coaches, and run-ins with judgmental fellow shoppers in the aisles of the grocery store, you realize you've grown a Stand-Back, Kids, I've-Got-This shield. In fact, I suspect I've developed rhinoceras tendencies. Typically peaceful, but ready to charge whenever the situation arises. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So now I find myself in the position--at least with DD--of retired rhinoceras. Which is really how it should be. Actually, not completely retired--I still need to provide a nudge now and then. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When I look back at DD's little chat with me, I realize it was just a fantastic demonstration of effective, appropriate self-advocacy. No anger, no defensiveness. She was pretty calm. Complimented me while simultaneously telling me to step back. I have to say, it was a gosh darn, textbook example of how to put someone in their place. Even if the someone was me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Good for her. Good for her therapist for coaching her. Happy Mother's Day to all my fellow rhinoceri!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-17397307548186090792013-04-03T05:00:00.000-04:002013-04-03T05:00:01.227-04:00Now We're Getting Somewhere<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The hubs and I were looking over the roller coaster path of the last couple of months, and I gotta say we're actually climbing. Sure, there've been a few </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9UtJwvZ5nS7PkWbGYXqgRo2RbNsnCrFrJixzc5wliQJyCgLzLg3gf-bD0lEig4z8zzR56rgbMVnp5uxUduzMmKs-yTdpPCuLQHETI54953_xmKBCWMVkmNM4obT1Gg6xMn3z9951x2Es/s1600/MP900387791+(1).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9UtJwvZ5nS7PkWbGYXqgRo2RbNsnCrFrJixzc5wliQJyCgLzLg3gf-bD0lEig4z8zzR56rgbMVnp5uxUduzMmKs-yTdpPCuLQHETI54953_xmKBCWMVkmNM4obT1Gg6xMn3z9951x2Es/s1600/MP900387791+(1).JPG" height="228" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">dips along the way (an odd calculus course at Ivy Tech!), but I think, by George, we're making some progress.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here's the track record:</span></div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Son FF is meeting regularly with a therapist. For the most part they talk about movies, music and sports, but they're building a rapport and that allows the therapist to also talk with him about "issues" as they arise.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Daughter Dearest made the dean's list.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">DD got a new job--independently, without the help of VR this time. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">FF has been learning how to use Dragon and a new word prediction/grammar correction software program for his writing. S.l.o.w. progress. He's not really a willing participant, but he's getting some of the skills. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">FF has joined a local Venture crew (a suggestion from his therapist)--Venturing is the new iteration of what used to be called Explorer scouts, a co-ed group of teens who meet, plan, and do. So far, he's accepted despite his disability, and he absolutely loves it. Hanging out with kids his own age who go out and do things in the community and beyond has been priority #1 for FF.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">DD's new job in a deli, means that she's learning and doing a variety of tasks--stocking products, kitchen prep, mopping floors, and--yes--even picking chicken off the bones. Caught between her OCD and Aspiness, this isn't something DD could have done even a year ago.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">FF took the written driver's exam. Although he didn't pass, he was close, and that satisfied him for the time being. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">DD is doing well in her art history course and is meeting with her tutor for editing help on her papers. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">FF is working out with a trainer and independently several times a week at Anytime Fitness. He's lost several pounds and really enjoys the workouts.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">DD attended a <a href="http://www.ted.com/pages/about_tedx"><b>TedX</b></a> event with a friend. (I highly recommend this to any young person who's not quite sure where they're headed. Lots of inspiration.)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If I leave out the container on the counter, FF will sometimes take his meds without the annoying Mom Reminder. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">FF began working with a new peer mentor. They're headed out to a movie tomorrow afternoon. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">DD and her therapist are working on goal setting and academic paths that get her to those goals. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Earlier this week FF worked for almost 2 hours with his new writing tutor, who helped him edit his latest essay (on March Madness, of course) and showed him a few tricks on Dragon. He's never worked that long without multiple breaks on a writing task. It helps that she's cute and very upbeat.</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Yes, DD's calculus class was a frustrating debacle (instructor issues). Yes, FF is impatient about his progress. He wants to transfer to a four-year university where he'll have more social activities. (The revelation that he needs 26 credits to transfer and that, so far, he has no transferrable credits has been crushing.) Yes, he wants to live in a dorm. Now. And, yes, FF wants a job where he can work more than 4 hours a week. </span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Patience, my son. We're working on it. On all of it. </span></div>
Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-46496950576762162232013-03-27T23:30:00.000-04:002013-03-28T08:15:46.185-04:00Independent Living for Young Adults on the Autism Spectrum<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Son Fickle Fan doesn't want to live with us. This isn't a shattering new revelation. He began delivering that message in the clearest possible terms as early as 8th grade. It's not that he doesn't love us or is angry with us (at </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2oL-nYFbNAKmSToO5wlrdwaQUYBlgsNbkMRcXVKbUcsKV3QsNG-rZxU9FEl7jtH9_0BBGMACIaZ9DBUJpACaxyiR03wxOKaqnS7l1lCuNmyp8joR39WqWsLeM91GMzQRDRl_QhCCi3tc/s1600/house+in+hands.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2oL-nYFbNAKmSToO5wlrdwaQUYBlgsNbkMRcXVKbUcsKV3QsNG-rZxU9FEl7jtH9_0BBGMACIaZ9DBUJpACaxyiR03wxOKaqnS7l1lCuNmyp8joR39WqWsLeM91GMzQRDRl_QhCCi3tc/s1600/house+in+hands.JPG" height="182" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">least not this very minute); it's just that he takes his independence very seriously. Now, on the edge of 19, he's desperate and adamant--he wants to live in a dorm first and then an apartment with other kids his age. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To him it's just that simple. And in his mind, it's my job to make it happen, as if I were a genie in a bottle. For someone who wants so much to be independent, he's almost entirely dependent on us to provide him with solutions. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Once again, as the deliverer of ugly reality, I'm at best Debbie Downer, and in the really challenging moments--last night, for instance--I'm the sinister source of obstacles.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I don't want to be that person. But I'm not wiggling my nose or nodding my head to "make it so" either. As parents, my husband and I try our best to do everything we can to give him a fighting chance in the world (which is not quite the same as making his every dream come true). Getting him a tutor to help him through a writing class, for instance, gives him a chance to succeed, but HE still has to do the work. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We're struggling right now to find out just what that balance of leveling-the-playing-field-but-helping-him-work-toward-and-earn-a-goal means in terms of independent housing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Surprised to hear that a young person with high functioning autism would want to live independently? It's true, there are many people with autism who would prefer to live at home with their parents and pets, surrounded by everything that's familiar and comforting for as many years as that's possible. FF, though, like many other people on the spectrum, wants and fully expects to live independently just as his peers do. As always, he wants to do everything the "typical" world does (or what he <i>thinks </i>it's doing based on what he sees on television or in the movies). Doesn't matter if he doesn't have the money. Doesn't matter if he has never cleaned a bathroom or done a full load of laundry in his life. Doesn't matter if he refuses to answer his cell phone or can't ride the bus on his own yet or wouldn't know what to do in a crisis. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We've gone round and round about whether and when FF can live in a dorm or an apartment with a roommate or two. Don't get me wrong; I really <i>want </i>FF to experience dorm life (for at least a little while) or live in an apartment with other college students. Once again, though, he refuses to entertain the possiblity of living with a roommate who has a disability, so even though it might come with the chance to live in a dorm for a few weeks, many of the summer "camps" for adolescents on the spectrum are absolutely out of the question. We can also cross off group homes from the list of living options.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So are there ANY housing options for people on the spectrum like FF? Not that I'm finding. Lots of families of higher functioning but not-yet-independent kids seem to be winging it, piecing together their own housing and support arrangements. It's time consuming, somewhat risky, and not cheap. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In our case I would like FF to be able to try out living on his own for a short stint. But there are no residential living options at the local Ivy Tech Community College. To my knowledge there's no way for him to live in any college dorm unless he's registered as a student. <b>I would love to see more colleges open up their unused dorms to high functioning students who could test the waters, learn life skills, take advantage of the campus resources and activities, and even audit summer classes. </b>Anyone out there doing this? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In lieu of a somewhat supervised campus living arrangement, we're considering subletting a not-too-far-away apartment for the summer, where FF could live with a same-age peer. This person would have drastically discounted rent in exchange for making sure the community police, fire and emergency personnel aren't on a first-name basis with my son by the end of the summer.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Mom Worries are as follows:</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Transportation.</b> To and from work. To the store. To the gym. To class if he decides to take a summer class. Something on a bus line that gets him to all those places would be preferable. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Money.</b> Currently, he's making all of $36 a week, and that's gross income. We would need to pay his rent and the majority of the rent for his roommate. Did I mention we already have two mortgages due to our odd living arrangement. (Don't judge. It's worked for us.)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Medications.</b> We could certainly come in once a week and set up his daily meds, but we might need to rely on the roommate to remind FF to take them every morning and night. Not sure how that would play out. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>The Eddie Haskell roommate.</b> We would need to screen interested candidates. How do we know that looks-and-sounds-perfect-on-paper won't turn out to be a slime bucket or, worse, inspiration for an episode of <i>Criminal Minds</i>? (And if you're googling Eddie Haskell right now, you're probably too young to be reading this blog.)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Roommate can't take it. </b>Living with FF is an acquired taste. Letting the roommate know what they're in for should be v-e-r-y interesting. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Seculsion</b>. Having a roommate will help, but it won't be the roommate's job to keep FF entertained. We might have to continue to pay a peer mentor to check in on him and take him out once a week. (See "Money," above.) </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Clutter and crud. </b>This will be a good opportunity for FF to test his cleaning skills or lack thereof. I really don't want to have to be the weekly char woman. And, no, I'm not a neat freak. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Laundry. </b>See "Clutter and crud," above. Eww.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Food</b>. FF is an expert microwave button pusher. And he excels at snacking. Will any of it be healthy? I think we know the answer to that one.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Inflated expectations=deflated boy. </b>FF's unrealistic expectations about living independently (think Animal House with a toga party every night) could result in frustration and depression pretty quickly. While having him experience all the ups and downs of living on your own is actually WHY we would do this, I wouldn't want him to become despondent. </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Satisfied expectations. </b>And<b> </b>what if he loves it? My hope is that it'll be a good learning experience, with some good times and some eye-openers, but that he'll be ready to move back with us until we figure out the finances and a more permanent living situation for him. I want him to like it; just not too much. My fear is that after a taste of independence, moving back home to live with his parents, older sister, and cat could be disheartening. </span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I realize that a slew of those Mom Worries sound just like the ones any parent has for a child about to go off to college or leave the nest. And they are. But spectrum issues always make things much more complicated.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, those of you in readerland, has your young son or daughter on the spectrum tested dorm life or lived in an apartment? What's worked and what hasn't. Any innovative new housing strategies you can tell us about? Please post your comments below!</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Our house is a very, very, very fine house, with two cats in the yard..." It's just not the house FF wants to live in anymore. Maybe it can still be a nice place to visit.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-17677266039364005752013-03-09T12:00:00.000-05:002013-03-09T12:00:00.851-05:00BMV Revisited: A Driving Desire to Drive<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Son Fickle Fan just flunked the written driver's ed test. And he's okay with that. So are we. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5b9KtslQFPeDxsFab-m6p8ZhD5Wbs9mjNjUTZjgbDddTC0-tl6djrBZNoqzx5VmLJYVlp6y9ijHEUV3ncMbKLA6PRXOJDuLzJ57rnpRuKQ3xScVQ6s7-89Go35ciwbcpJamMsn21YOa4/s1600/IN+drivers+manual+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5b9KtslQFPeDxsFab-m6p8ZhD5Wbs9mjNjUTZjgbDddTC0-tl6djrBZNoqzx5VmLJYVlp6y9ijHEUV3ncMbKLA6PRXOJDuLzJ57rnpRuKQ3xScVQ6s7-89Go35ciwbcpJamMsn21YOa4/s1600/IN+drivers+manual+2.jpg" height="320" width="230" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For months, FF and I have been wending our way through the Indiana Rules of the Road manual in preparation for the Bureau of Motor Vehicle's multiple choice test. We'd go through a chapter or a few pages whenever I had a day off work that wasn't otherwise crammed with appointments. So he's been prepping for this for awhile, but he also knew from the get-go that:</span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">he might not pass the test on the first try.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">he can take it again.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">passing the test does not necessarily mean he will ultimately get his driver's license.</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For those of you newbies, who've just joined us, FF already has his state ID card from the BMV. <a href="http://twointransition.blogspot.com/2012/10/a-day-at-bmv-getting-state-id-card.html"><b>You can read about that experience here.</b></a> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The fact that he was just fine with not passing the test today is in itself a victory. No meltdown. No outrage. No extreme disappointment. We actually went out for lunch afterward to celebrate the fact that he'd taken the test. It's that level of maturity that gives me a lot of hope. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Let's detour here a little, though. Am I shocking a few of my readers out there? Are you turning blue at the thought of someone on the autism spectrum driving through the streets of your town? First of all, you shouldn't be. More and more Aspie adults (including Daughter Dearest) are on the roads. <a href="http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/03/27/the-challenge-of-driving-with-aspergers/"><b>See this recent NY Times article on the subject.</b></a> Moreover, <a href="http://www.disabilityscoop.com/2012/01/10/should-teens-autism-drive/14743/"><b>a study from Children's Hospital of Philadelphia</b></a> indicates that adolescent drivers on the spectrum actually have fewer accidents than their neurotypical peers, possibly because many of them are very cautious and are sticklers for rules, and many tend to drive short distances, avoiding highways or traffic congested areas. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Secondly, having a driver's license can make a huge difference in the ability of a person to live an independent life--go to college, live in an apartment, run to Target and "do the Dew" whenever they want, and (most importantly) get a job where they don't have to be dependent on public transportation. You would be amazed at the number of people with disabilities who have to get up in the wee hours of the morning to catch a 6 a.m. bus so that they can transfer and bus hop across town to work at their jobs. You probably wouldn't be as surprised to learn that a lack of flexible transportation is one of the primary obstacles to getting and keeping a good job. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, yes, we support FF in his dream to get a driver's license. But do we worry about that? Have ya read this blog before!?! Of course I'm worrying! It's what I do.</span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He actually squeaked by and passed the rules section of the test today but had too many wrong answers on the road signs section. But, knowing FF, he <i>will </i>pass the test. He now knows what he needs to study and he'll get it done. Plus he admitted to lots of stomach churning this time. He was nervous. Now that he knows the routine, he'll be much more at ease next time out. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Then what? Oddly, the Indiana public school system no longer requires or even offers driver's ed. Not sure when or why that went away--budget cuts, liability, beats me. So Hoosier teens can either pay to take driver's ed with a private instructor or company, or they can just take the written test on their own and then obtain their required 50 hours of driving practice with white-knuckled parents or another responsible, eligible grown-up. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I would've preferred group training instruction for FF combined with simulator driving before he ever has a set of keys placed into his hands. Neither of the private instructors in town offers simulator training. But <a href="http://www.eastersealscrossroads.org/driver-evaluation-and-training"><b>Easter Seals Crossroads in Indianapolis</b></a> does and last time I checked (admittedly it was awhile ago) so did a hospital located about an hour from us. Both have programs specificaly designed to teach people with disabilities how to drive. From what I had heard, individuals who've passed the written test can appy for a slot in the training program, but there may be a long wait until they're admitted to the program. I also know that this is another service we'll be paying for out of pocket. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But one of the most important reasons to use the instructors at Crossroads is that they'll make the ultimate call as to whether or not FF should get a license at all. They're in a better position to assess his level of judgement, focus, abilty to make quick decisions, and all the other components of good driving that could be challenging for him. No matter how many hours of training and drive time someone logs in, he/she may not, ultimately, be able to be a safe driver. Having that decision come from a trained third party is extremely important. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Meanwhile, we're still trying to log in some bus-riding practice. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4595001487425242159.post-90603694007585751812013-01-22T05:00:00.000-05:002013-01-31T12:32:20.022-05:00Dragon, Dysgraphia and Dictated Discourse<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is a little like walking when you're used to flying. Yikes. Today, I'm dictating this post with Dragon NaturallySpeaking, the speech-to-text software that doctors and lawyers use and that more people with disabilities probably <i>could </i>use. I can already tell this is going to take me awhile. <i>[Period.] </i>It's a very cool tool, and I can see the potential, but yikes. What comes naturally to me with fingers on the keyboard is a very halting process with Dragon. At least so far. Old dog. New tricks.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLoCc7KiZAQc_G4BSgJIpA5aqYPuYeCK1BeH4yxOq2D7uqqCOvI12o3f4Ilz7PUl6aslcIgXtD-krPlcedyYl0tOi2dJ5Kt5JUXcKopedb4tKejhU9VZooiSJ9M3ETQ-hiB67h53tW3aA/s1600/writing+sample+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLoCc7KiZAQc_G4BSgJIpA5aqYPuYeCK1BeH4yxOq2D7uqqCOvI12o3f4Ilz7PUl6aslcIgXtD-krPlcedyYl0tOi2dJ5Kt5JUXcKopedb4tKejhU9VZooiSJ9M3ETQ-hiB67h53tW3aA/s1600/writing+sample+2.jpg" height="265" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>[Period. New paragraph. Select "could." Italicize.]</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So why bother? I'm attempting to become more proficient in Dragon so that I can support son Fickle Fan as he learns to use dictation this semester. FF is taking a pre-writing course at Ivy Tech. (He got an A in his fall semester pre-reading course, by the way!) Trouble is, FF has a pretty severe case of "dysgraphia," which is a frustrating combination of indecipherable handwriting, atrocious spelling, frequently omitted words, and organizational challenges all wrapped up into a nasty little package that affects many of our children on the autism spectrum. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We are working with <b><a href="http://www.eastersealstech.com/">Easter Seals Crossroads</a></b> to help FF with assistive technologies that might enable him to become a more independent writer. That includes training in the use of:</span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.nuance.com/dragon/index.htm"><b>Dragon, version 12</b></a>; </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZQTM5DHbSw"><b>LiveScribe "smartpen,"</b> </a>that could be useful for recording notes in the classroom;</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and special software designed for writers who have dysgraphia/dyslexia. </span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He'll need a few different arrows in his writing quiver. Dragon, for instance, might be great for doing homework, but talking aloud into a headset mic doesn't work so well in a classroom. S</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">o far, FF has begun his training with Dragon and he's doing well, but it will take some time for him to become comfortable with using it and the other tech gadgets. Having all the tech toys isn't enough. Training is essential. </span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>[Okay, I'm doing lots of keyboard cheating in order to correct misheard words, insert new text, and navigate on the page. Ugh. It's great, though, that Dragon allows for a combination of speech-to-text and keyboarding. Makes things faster.]</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When the representative from Crossroads initially came to evaluate FF, he asked FF to tell him in his own words about a movie he'd seen. FF launched into an accurate synopsis and analysis of <i>Blood Diamond</i>, complete with commentary about director Edward Zwick's work and Leonardo DiCaprio's performance as a South African diamond smuggler. When asked to turn around and type that up on the laptop, FF got about five words down before giving up in frustration. You get the point. It's all upstairs; he just can't get it to translate to his fingertips. When he first sat down with FF, by the way, the Crossroads rep asked FF to write something on paper. FF obligingly scrawled, "I hate writeing!" and handed it back with one of those "and-now-you-know-how-I-feel-about-it" smiles. </span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>[Now, watch as I stand, death defyingly, on a soapbox mounted on a Dragon...so to speak.]</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Dysgraphia is holding our children back. We need our scientists to look at 1) how dysgraphia occurs neurologically and 2) effective prevention and treatment. That means lots more research. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As it is, dysgraphia seems to be a poor stepchild in the autism research world, and yet it's probably Public Enemy #2, right behind communication, as the Most Frustrating Manifestation of autism. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Maybe we could start with an agreed-upon definition.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Here's Wikipedia's <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysgraphia"><b>explanation</b></a> for your perusal. I</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">t's often misunderstood--many people think of it as just poor handwriting or a form of dyslexia--and bring out the lined paper to practice handwriting. I'm no expert but I'm betting that in the majority of cases, practicing big B, little b is not helping and is a waste of valuable OT time. Some teachers are still attributing dysgraphia in students on the spectrum to laziness. And in many cases, it isn't identified at all until middle or high school because teachers and parents dismiss it as just a part of his autism. I think we're probably guilty there. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Having dysgraphia does not mean you are intellectually impaired. In fact, one of the most insidious things about dysgraphia is that it--just like a lack of communications--often makes our children appear more cognitively impaired than they really are. Thus there's this gap between what a student is capable of learning and what he's capable of producing or regurgitating in the classroom (at least in traditional pen-and-paper ways). </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Moreover, I'll bet if you did the data collection, you would find that dysgraphia is probably one of the most common triggers of meltdowns, rages, and low self-esteem in school-age ASD children. Effective treatment would benefit not just our children, but also teachers and entire families who must deal with the seismic repercussions every time little Johnny is assigned a 5-paragraph essay. And those reprecussions include suspensions, loss of work for parents, depression, and dropping out of school.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And you won't find this in the Wikipedia article, or maybe anywhere else, but I have one of those niggling ASD parent suspicions that dysgraphia is also associated with or even the cause of the math problems many of our kids begin exhibiting in about the 3rd or 4th grades--despite what seemed like a natural knack for math concepts before that age. We need more research.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some of our ASD kids are capable writers and, with the right supports, make it through high school and even college. Sadly, they're the very few exceptions to the rule. I believe that if our children could find ways to prevent/overcome or at least sidestep their dysgraphia issues, many of them could not only go a lot farther in school, but eventually they'd have a much broader choice of employment opportunities. (More on that, next post.)</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>[Buggers. I've slipped back into using the keyboard.]</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Meanwhile, FF struggles to get his thoughts from brain to paper. Despite years of occupational therapy, he continues to have problems with the scale of his letters, mixing upper and lowercase, spelling, word omission, sentence structure, and a cargo-load of emotional baggage and pressure that comes with the writing territory. In fact, FF has 11 of the 14 symptoms listed in that Wikipedia article on dysgraphia. It doesn't look good in a college writing class.</span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We have work to do. In this age of common standards and strict requirements, has anyone else found ways of conquering the dysgraphia monster in a college setting, particularly in courses where extensive papers or daily journals are required?</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>[Question mark. New paragraph. Exit Word 2010. Thank you, Dragon.]</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Two in Transitionhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14499512203447064999noreply@blogger.com0