Pomp and Circumstanceless: Still Focusing on the Now

Less than one month to graduation. It's a bittersweet, heart tugging finale to a tale that seems to be petering out. No colorful explosive fireworks. No Pomp and Circumstance. No parties. Not even a cap and gown or senior picture.  


We believe in allowing son Fickle Fan to make many of his own decisions at this point, and this is one of them. He just doesn't want to dress up, stand in line wearing an uncomfortable hat and gown (that probably wouldn't fit him anyway), being watched by hundreds of people he doesn't know, and sitting in an auditorium for hours, listening to motivational speeches that aren't a part of his reality.  


I'm concerned that he may regret this decision years from now. Choosing not to attend your high school graduation is a pretty big non-event. I feel sorry that he won't get to experience that shared sense of accomplishment and joy when all his classmates receive their diplomas and throw their caps in the air (if that's even allowed here).  Will he miss that when he's 25 and he realizes what he actually let go by deciding not to participate? I don't know. It may be that he just won't ever care.


I care. But I think I understand. In addition to the I-just-don't-want-to-get-dressed-up component, I think a big part of his decision has to do with his thinking in the moment. After all, graduation is all about focusing on the future, and I don't think that's a skill/ability/emotion FF excels at. I've heard this before about some people on the autism spectrum. There's a tendency to focus on the now--now I want to play video games, now I want to eat, now I want to go outside. Now I want to be an Academy Award winning filmmaker. Certainly, there's a goal there, but it's a "now" goal--there is no patience for or understanding yet that there are steps that need to happen before one achieves the goal. That understanding may still happen, but we have a ways to go yet.  


And I think that missing key component--the knowledge of and ability to plan the trip--from point A to point Z--makes transition all the more difficult. 


But it's a process. We'll keep at it long after his peers have crossed the stage, moved their tassels, and had their parties. And we'll still celebrate FF's many, many accomplishments along the way. I don't need to hear Pomp and Circumstance or see him in a cap and gown to know how far he's come, what he's still capable of, and how much we love and appreciate him!