Gracefully Leaving a Job: A New Skill to Learn

After a year at the cash register, Daughter Dearest is quitting her job at Kohl's. And it'll be okay. 

I haven't written about DD's exploits in awhile, mostly because she's doing fairly well. For the most part, no news is good news. But this IS Two in Transition, and though she's not always the squeakiest wheel, DD is wending her way through the chutes and ladders of her world too. For those of you who are just joining us, meet DD. All caught up now?

After getting an A in a summer early art history course that required a ridiculous amount of memorization ("Oh, I know that one! Tile with arabesque decoration, 15th century Ottoman, Anatolia, carved, glaze painted and guilded earthenware!), DD is now taking two academic courses and a science lab at Ivy Tech. Plus her job at Kohl's. She's learning to balance and spin the demands of multiple plates pretty well. Having a tutor for biology helps with her focus and preparation. All good. 

The problem is that she just can't face the loss of Thanksgiving with family up north and a holiday season with very long hours listening to carols from Taylor Swift (who seems to be the ambiance wizard's favorite songstress to pipe in over the PA) while she does her best to redeem Kohl's Cash coupons as fast as her scanner can beep, all while she's prepping for final exams. Too. Much. Stress. 

She's been looking (sort of) for a non-retail position, but it's been slim pickins. So rather than push her into another Black Friday (she survived, but barely), we're supporting her decision to leave Kohl's and get another job after winter break.  

As you can imagine, for a person with both Aspergers and OCD, there's been some strategizing involved with just how and when to give notice and leave gracefully. Yesterday, though, DD and her dad (he of the human resources persuasion) wrote a very nice letter of resignation thanking Kohl's for her first job, for the skills she's gained and for the boost to her confidence. In the letter, she gave them two week's notice, but said she could be flexible if they needed her to work another shift or two before the next schedule is posted.  

DD didn't give a reason for leaving. If anyone asked, we told her she could truthfully say it was because of school demands.

So like before when she needed to advocate for herself for shorter hours (you can read about that one here), DD sat in the parking lot, taking deep breaths, trying to steady her nerves for several minutes. And again, she said, it took all of five seconds. The manager took her letter, said she'd make sure it got to the scheduler and that was it. Employees come and go at Kohl's. Not a big surprise. And once again, the world began spinning on its axis. 

I'm a little concerned about too much free time, so I'm pushing the volunteering button, at least until she gets another job.  We'll see how that turns out. Meanwhile, Kohl's has been a very good first gig. They trained her and had her volunteering with other staffers her first month there. She learned how to respond in a variety of situations with customers. She got to laugh with other staff at the absurdity of life behind a cash register. We're grateful for all Kohl's has done for her, but it's time for DD to move on. Gracefully. No harm, no foul, no bridges burned. 

A Day at the BMV: Getting a State ID Card

Son Fickle Fan takes after his dad--he's somewhat of a political junky. Not surprisingly, FF is looking forward to voting for the first time on November 6. To make that possible, he spent some time at the Indiana Bureau of Motor Vehicles in May, getting his state ID card. I'm not going to get into the controversy of voter identification laws in this blog post, but the fact is that Indiana now requires ID at the precinct before they'll let you have a ballot. FF, though he's now 18, doesn't have a driver's license, thus the need for an alternative.  

This is another one of those Major Steps along the transition road. In addition to exercising his voter rights, there are other reasons for having an official ID, including opening a bank account, writing checks, filling out some job applications, enrolling in courses and other instances where he would need to have verification of his identity. 

Was it difficult to get one? Nope, but it takes some preparation, so please first check out the BMV website, especially the section listing which documents you’ll need to have with you to apply for a Secure ID.  There’s a handy little checklist they’ll give you on the site.  Also note that if you’ve never had a driver’s license or ID from the Indiana BMV in the past, you need to apply for a Secure ID. (There is also something known as a non-Secure ID, but it’s only given to people who already have a license or ID but who don’t have their Social Security card or documentation necessary to prove Indiana residence. You can still vote with a non-Secure ID.) According to the BMV, “A Secure ID meets federal government requirements for driver’s licenses, identification cards and permits.”

So here’s what you need to bring with you:

• a document proving identity--usually a Passport or a certified copy of a birth certificate;
• a document proving Social Security number (preferably a Social Security card, a W-2 form, or a paystub showing both the applicant's name and SS number)
• a document proving lawful status in the United States (the Passport or birth certificate will also work for this); and
• two documents proving Indiana residency.

It's the two documents proving Indiana residency that were the challenge for FF. After all, he doesn't pay bills yet, doesn't have a job, and didn't have a voter registration card or any of the other suggested documentation (there's a list on the BMV site). However, you can submit documentation on behalf of someone with a disability (the BMV uses the term "incapacitated," which I detest!) if you have legal guardianship or if you are a legal caregiver who lives with the applicant and you are at least 18 years old. So, in our case, I needed to sign an Indiana Residency Affidavit for FF and also show my driver's license, my birth certificate (or Passport), two documents proving my Indiana residency and a letter proving legal guardianship. Thank heavens, you can leave the partridge in a pear tree at home. 

Unlike a driver's license, there is no fee charged for obtaining a Secure ID.

My biggest fear was that we would need to wait for hours in long lines or sit forever in torturous folding chairs, waiting for our number to be called--the usual BMV nightmare. Fortunately, we went on a Tuesday morning, so it wasn't incredibly busy. My husband was also with me in case FF needed to go out for a walk or a break, but the wait was actually very short.

I really only had four relatively minor complaints about the process, which I'll share with you here, only so that you'll know what could happen and how to prepare accordingly if you're also planning the trip to your local BMV. 

1. The BMV staffer assisting us, though very nice, kept having problems with his data entry, which meant that FF had to have his picture retaken three times and the guy had to re-enter all of his information three separate times, until a supervisor finally came to the rescue. I was incredibly impressed with FF's patience and composure that day, because he usually hates waiting and has very little tolerance for repetition.
2. FF also has terrible dysgraphia, so it's difficult for him to sign his name in small spaces. For the ID, he needed to sign his name on one of those electronic keypads, which a) was very small and didn't give him enough room to sign and b) kept timing out because when he does sign his name, FF is very slow and deliberate about it. As it was, the BMV staffer said it really didn't matter, so he only has his first name, not his full signature, on the ID. That concerns me, because I don't know if a first-name only John Hancock will be accepted in the event a store clerk or bank teller needs to check his signature against his ID. 
3. As part of the process of obtaining a first ID or driver's license, the BMV is supposed to also allow you to register to vote and--if you're male and between the ages of 18 and 25--register for Selective Service. Voter registration was easy, but for some reason the BMV's computer system didn't trigger the Selective Service question that would've allowed FF to register. (And, yes, you must still register for Selective Service even if you have a disability.) We even asked the staffer about it. He knew it should have come up on their screens, but he and his supervisor didn't know why it didn't come up, and they couldn't register him manually. Not a big deal--we did it online later that week--but it should have been part of the ID process. 
4. And oh those terrible photos! I'm not blaming this one on the BMV.  In Hoosierland, you are no longer allowed to smile, showing your teeth, when they snap your pic. Unfortunately, FF interpreted the "don't smile" directive to mean "scowl and look angry." It would never occur to him that it was even possible to not smile and look pleasant at the same time. We should have prepared him for that one by doing some mugging in the mirror beforehand.

The ID came in the mail in about a week. Sadly, it shows a menacing FF with a first-name only scrawl. Makes him look far more disabled than he really is. Sigh. But he now has it in his wallet, which he's learning to carry with him whenever he leaves the house, and he's had the chance to use his ID several times over the summer. 

What about an actual driver's license? Ah, now that's another blog for another day.