On a Random Tuesday

On a random Tuesday while I was at work, I got a phone call from FF. Bam. There's that gut-wrenching feeling. Now what? Parent T in T readers get this. It's the quaking you experience when you see that the school is calling. It's never good news. 

FF, though, is now 20. The pre-frontal cortex is maturing, doing its thing. He's attending community college classes. And, more importantly, he hasn't had an incident in more than a year and a half. But I know there's always that possibility that something or someone (or he himself) will make him feel belittled and humiliated, that he'll feel boxed in and powerless. So the Mom worries? Still there. 

On this particular random Tuesday, I had dropped him off at his class downtown. On Tuesdays, after class, his peer mentor (PM) picks him up and they go do "guy" things (Buffalo Wild Wings, bowling, video games, walk on campus). The PM and I usually text beforehand, just to verify the pickup. Since this class is downtown and not out at the main campus, you can bet I texted FF after class the first couple of times to be sure pickup went smoothly and they were on their way. But this was 5 weeks into class, so I had faded back and was trusting that all was well.

The call came 30 minutes after class had ended. Uh-oh. But:

FF: Mom?

Me: Yep. Are you okay? Did PM pick you up?

FF: Oh yeah. I'm fine. I'm just calling to let you know PM and I are going to a movie, so we'll be back later. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Okay?

Me: Yes, that's great. Thanks for letting me know. And have a good time. 

FF: Okay bye. 

Three waves of relief here. 1) He's more than fine. He's having a good time. 2) He called to let me know he'd be late. 3) I don't have to see that movie!

Several days later, I checked with him about the call. "Did PM have you call me to let me know you'd be late? That was thoughtful." And the about-left-me-on-the-floor response: "No, I just wanted to call because I knew we wouldn't get back until later than we usually do." Communication, consideration for someone else's feelings, executive function skills. The trifecta!

On that random Tuesday, as I was driving home from work, I realized my son was at a movie, my daughter was staying on campus for something course-related, and I would be headed out to a meeting. Everyone off doing their own thing. I understand that this happens all the time in "normal" families, but it just doesn't happen in ours. 

I could get into this normal family thing. On any random Tuesday.


 

Now We're Getting Somewhere

The hubs and I were looking over the roller coaster path of the last couple of months, and I gotta say we're actually climbing. Sure, there've been a few

dips along the way (an odd calculus course at Ivy Tech!), but I think, by George, we're making some progress.

Here's the track record:

• Son FF is meeting regularly with a therapist. For the most part they talk about movies, music and sports, but they're building a rapport and that allows the therapist to also talk with him about "issues" as they arise.
• Daughter Dearest made the dean's list.
• DD got a new job--independently, without the help of VR this time. 
• FF has been learning how to use Dragon and a new word prediction/grammar correction software program for his writing. S.l.o.w. progress. He's not really a willing participant, but he's getting some of the skills. 
• FF has joined a local Venture crew (a suggestion from his therapist)--Venturing is the new iteration of what used to be called Explorer scouts, a co-ed group of teens who meet, plan, and do. So far, he's accepted despite his disability, and he absolutely loves it. Hanging out with kids his own age who go out and do things in the community and beyond has been priority #1 for FF.
• DD's new job in a deli, means that she's learning and doing a variety of tasks--stocking products, kitchen prep, mopping floors, and--yes--even picking chicken off the bones. Caught between her OCD and Aspiness, this isn't something DD could have done even a year ago.
• FF took the written driver's exam. Although he didn't pass, he was close, and that satisfied him for the time being. 
• DD is doing well in her art history course and is meeting with her tutor for editing help on her papers. 
• FF is working out with a trainer and independently several times a week at Anytime Fitness. He's lost several pounds and really enjoys the workouts.
• DD attended a TedX event with a friend. (I highly recommend this to any young person who's not quite sure where they're headed. Lots of inspiration.)
• If I leave out the container on the counter, FF will sometimes take his meds without the annoying Mom Reminder.  
• FF began working with a new peer mentor. They're headed out to a movie tomorrow afternoon. 
• DD and her therapist are working on goal setting and academic paths that get her to those goals. 
• Earlier this week FF worked for almost 2 hours with his new writing tutor, who helped him edit his latest essay (on March Madness, of course) and showed him a few tricks on Dragon. He's never worked that long without multiple breaks on a writing task. It helps that she's cute and very upbeat.

Yes, DD's calculus class was a frustrating debacle (instructor issues). Yes, FF is impatient about his progress. He wants to transfer to a four-year university where he'll have more social activities. (The revelation that he needs 26 credits to transfer and that, so far, he has no transferrable credits has been crushing.) Yes, he wants to live in a dorm. Now. And, yes, FF wants a job where he can work more than 4 hours a week.  

Patience, my son. We're working on it. On all of it.