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| Chad in his room, from MTV's Word of Jenks. |
Why? Who did this to poor, little innocent Change? We did. Teachers, therapists and, yes, parents. We've been trying to protect (and maybe coddle?) our children on the spectrum who tend to take comfort in their routines. It's true, though: poor, little innocent Change does seem to be present at the scene of a number of meltdowns and explosions. Just watch what happens when you tell a 5-year-old ASD child who has Frosted Flakes every morning that you're all out and she'll need to make due with Lucky Charms. Or, those of you who've been watching MTVs World of Jenks this season saw how Chad, now a young man with autism, handled the news that he was moving away from his childhood home. (Not a fan of Jenks yet!!? Just watching Chad's year of transition is worth it. See if you can watch this past season on Hulu or catch up on Xfinity.)
Okay, at first glance it looks like Change is doing a number on our kids, so it's no wonder we do everything we can to avoid it. We've even taught our children the drill. You can hear spectrum kids tell adults they don't like change; that they need things to stay the same. But change is a part of life. Unintentionally then, we've taught them that because of their inability to cope with change, kids with ASD can't live a broader life with more experiences. We let them and even encourage them to walk the same path even when it becomes a rut.
But do we need to? I think we've oversimplified the issue for far too long. And we're pointing the finger at the wrong culprit. It isn't Change that should've been indicted. It's Loss. And in some instances Loss likes to hang out with Change--but not always. Sometimes Change brings along good friends, like Happiness, Excitement, Opportunity and Better Circumstances.
When you think about it, transition IS change. That's what it's all about. Graduation, jobs, transportation, college, more independence, maybe some new roommates, and sometimes new housing. And, yes, Loss is there. Transition means saying goodbye to high school teachers, bus drivers, friends, and familiar environments. But I think it's possible to cushion the blow if you prepare students in transition for both Loss and for Change's good friends. And then celebrate the changes as they come.
In the season finale of World of Jenks, Chad had to move with his parents, away from the home he grew up in--a devastating loss for him. After the move, however, he was able to sleep in his own room for the first time in his life. In that instance, Change brought along Opportunity for Growth.
In our case, we discovered fairly early that major blow ups could be avoided in change situations if we (and teachers) fully explained to son Fickle Fan both whatever new thing would be occurring, as well as what would NOT be happening as a result of the change. If we didn't prepare FF for the loss, though, and he only discovered it after the change had occurred, it could set off a little boy Krakatoa. So, ideally, it would work like this: "This afternoon you'll be going to a school-wide assembly. That means that today we won't be going to the library as we normally would. Instead we'll go to the gym with the class and watch a puppet show." If we knew that losing library period was a big loss to him, we might also see if there was some way he could go the library right after lunch or the next day.
But, please note, it was just as important not to sugar coat the loss or avoid telling him about what he would lose, as it was to put a positive spin on the good things that could result from the change. Sure. I can only relate our story and how the plot plays out for us. Every child is different, and your pages may not turn the same way. Many of our kids on the spectrum, however, are pretty intuitive and are capable of understanding much more than we give them credit for. Sometimes, we had to explain things visually with a diagram or flow chart. Not giving FF the full story in advance, though, only makes him feel blind sided and betrayed. And more likely to distrust future change.
The lessons here that apply to (Indiana) middle school and high school transition are numerous: the diploma vs. certificate discussion; the Core 40 curriculum; End-of-Course Assessments and remedial courses; academics vs. work study courses; dropping out, graduating at 18, or staying in school until 22; college and testing; pursuing a new interest; participating in an extracurricular activity. All of those things bring change. Most also bring a certain amount of loss (time and freedom are two of the biggies) as well as possibilities or opportunities.
Each of these situations had to be fully explored and explained. The message here: More information for students and families in middle school is definitely a good thing, so that they can prepare for the bad, the ugly, AND the good. In fact, family transition training would be very helpful--but that's another blog.
Meanwhile, please, give Change a break. Take him off of the Top Ten ASD Criminals List and let him party with his good friends. Loss will probably be there too, but he can sit in the corner.
